Inside: As a mother who is a nutritionist, I have been feeding children for 20 years and have learned many important lessons. Some people walk a difficult path.
When I started Real Mom Nutrition, my oldest son was 5 years old.
And in the blink of an eye, he was 20 years old.
There’s something about such milestones, the new round number 10 years, that makes us stop and think. And shed a few happy/sad tears.
Like all parents, I learned many lessons along the way. No, your child won’t always be scared when behind the wheel of a car. And yes, kids will eventually pee in the toilet without the promise of M&Ms.
I also learned a lot about feeding children, some of those lessons the hard way.
1. The one bite rule works…until it stops working.
My oldest child happily took a bite of the new food, and I thought I understood everything.
Until my second child was born.
He didn’t want to eat “just a morsel” and it would spiral into a battle of wills and leave us all miserable and exhausted (and that morsel would never be eaten) .
The same goes for any kind of dietary strategy or advice, including this blog. What works for one child may not work for another.
Even two children who grew up in the same home with the same meals and routines can have very different tastes and habits. Case in point: I was a picky eater, but my brother ate almost everything without complaining.
Learn more: Should I let my child only eat one bite?
2. Don’t worry about the details
Do you know those moments when you wish you could do parenting all over again, or wake up at 2am in a puddle of regret? (No? Is it just me?)
One of my experiences happened at an Ohio State football game, and I got mad because the kids wanted sodas. A tantrum flares up and ruins what was supposed to be a fun family day. Too much sugar.
At the time, I worried that every sip was a hit or miss and that if I didn’t order water, I was dooming my kids to a life of illness and sugar addiction.
Thankfully, I’ve become much lighter-minded over the past few years and have developed a healthier mindset about my children’s diet and balance. And for yourself too.
Learn more: How intuitive eating can help you find harmony with food
3. Serve salads early and often.
I blamed myself for some things, but this is something I’m glad I did. I started serving green salads to my children at an early age, and now they both eat them with pleasure and even order them at restaurants.
Here’s why I value this:
They looked at salads at dinner almost every night and learned that vegetables, especially leafy greens, aren’t bad. They learned to mix and match different types of food, adding things like shredded carrots and diced bell peppers. Eating a variety of foods can be a challenge for some children, especially those who are picky eaters.
See more: How to teach your child to like salads
4. Cooking just one meal can be liberating.
As someone who used to be a picky eater and rarely ate what my beloved mother made for dinner, I didn’t want to go down the butter noodle route with my children.
So, from the beginning, I made just one meal each night, broke out some mixed dishes (like the one pictured above), and let the kids choose specific parts of the meal, such as sauces or certain vegetables, depending on their wishes. Added the ability to opt out of elements.
Just rice would be fine, so I checked to see if there was something they liked on the table and decided it was okay to just have that rice for dinner once in a while.
In my mind, if I hadn’t given my kids skip dinner cards in the form of PBJs and chicken nuggets, they would have had an incentive to eat more of what I made. And in general it was.
Read more: Dinnertime rules that will change your life
5. People’s food choices are their own problem
Reading some of my early posts makes me cringe. I used to be critical and upbeat about other people’s work, especially when it came to pee sports sideline snacks.
I struggle with the fact that food choices are emotional and personal, and that I have no right to tell others what to do, especially when it comes to what people feed their children. I learned by doing so.
Sometimes those food choices affected my own kids, like when cupcakes were brought to the soccer field after practice.
But there are better ways to effect change than shaming or being sarcastic.
Do I still believe in healthy team snacks? Yes. Could I have handled it differently? And yes.
Learn more: How parents can create a healthy team snack plan for their child’s sports
6. The only constant is change.
This is Murphy’s Law in parenting. When you feel like you have finally mastered a stage or phase, everything changes.
But it turns out that the opposite is also true. When you accept that your child will never enjoy piano lessons, don’t forget to say thank you, or like green beans, they may surprise you.
That’s why you shouldn’t write off food forever, even if your child has refused it for years. Our youngest son doesn’t eat cucumbers, but one night he pulled one out of a salad I had at a restaurant and said he wanted to try it. The same goes for guacamole. Our oldest son refused pesto for years until he decided it was good.
Even now, my mother sometimes looks at my plate and says, “Are you ready to eat?”
Learn more: Your child hates vegetables. Well, what?
7. Feeding hungry children is easy.
When my kids were little, my purse was filled with boxes of raisins and containers of crackers. I’ve only had one hunger bust at Target, and I never left the house without snacks for the kids. Just in case.
But I’ve learned that kids who nibble all day are never truly hungry for food and can appear to be much more picky than they really are.
Sure, snacks are helpful. But it’s okay if your child is hungry. It’s the natural order of things. So before you label your child as a picky eater, think about how hungry your child will actually be when they come to the table.
Learn more: 5 simple mistakes that can make your picky eater worse.
8. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Just because your friend’s child loves quinoa doesn’t mean your child has to either. And just because the kid on Instagram brought sushi and cucumber salad to school in a bento box for lunch doesn’t mean your kid’s brown bag PBJ is any less.
Comparing your child to someone else’s child is never helpful. No matter how early you slept through the night to get accepted into which university. Or what (and how much) you eat.
Read more: We want our kids to be foodies and why boring lunch boxes are perfect for some kids
9. The extra two bites don’t matter.
It may even make things worse.
How much time have I wasted trying to figure out how many more bites of each food on my plate my kids need to eat before they can “eat” it? There are too many.
When I stopped micromanaging and started trusting my kids to eat what they needed, they actually ate.
Yes, they sometimes jumped off the table after a few bites and said they were hungry again as soon as the plate was cleared. But over time, they figured it out and I was able to get back to focusing on my plate and not theirs.
Read more: Why pressuring kids to eat doesn’t work (and what to do instead)
10. Family dinners become even more delicious.
“Family dinner” sounds nice, but it’s not always nice. Family dinners can be especially difficult when children are young. they are tired. You’re tired. Someone is spilling something. Others cry because their pizza slices were cut into small pieces, but they wanted to eat the whole thing.
My husband and I, together with our children, had a tough dinner. But we kept our eyes on the prize. True, the children will not be able to throw a tantrum over the color of the cup forever and will eventually learn how to pour milk themselves and sit in their seats for more than two and a half minutes.
So we stuck with it and made family dinner a priority. Over time, it got a lot better. My older child listed family dinners as his family’s number one tradition on his college application (*sobs*).
Learn more: The truth about family dinners
11. Even difficult kids should learn to cook.
I tried to get the kids into the kitchen. I was embarrassed to be blogging about feeding my kids and writing about the importance of teaching my kids to cook, but my two are still happy to help make meals. I didn’t feel it.
There were moments when I felt passionately interested in cooking and baking. But overall they resisted. And instead of overdoing it, I turned on a good podcast and enjoyed some alone time in the kitchen.
But now my college-age kid is preparing to live on his own, and I’m giving him a crash course in how to cook chicken breasts. I wish they had made the dish non-negotiable. (Luckily, HelloFresh meal kits allow me to get my younger son in the kitchen more often.)
Learn more: Easy and Healthy Meal Preparation for College Students
12. Serve food you don’t like
Another mistake on our part. My husband and I are both getting better at being picky eaters, but there are still some foods we don’t like, like tomatoes and eggplant.
So I didn’t include those foods in my diet. As a result, our children also stopped eating those foods. *cue sad trombone*
I know there’s still time. It’s never too late to start liking new foods. But it would have been easier if we had done that from the beginning.
More details: I was a picky eater. Here’s what you need to know:
13. A happy dinner time is more important than anything.
It doesn’t matter how many bites of cauliflower they eat or who has their elbows on the table (like my kids above!).
What matters is that children feel safe and accepted at the dinner table, and that they are not nagged or scolded for what they eat or punished for not eating.
So make dinner as enjoyable as possible. Ask a stupid question. Let’s play a little game. Please know that things will get better.
Because time passes quickly. And before you know it, you’ll also miss having little elbows on the table.
Learn more: Conversation Starters for Kids to Start Conversations During Family Meals
