Before digging into compassion, first dig into other gifts. You are almost certainly a mean and unwilling person when your words hurt others. This is an amazing gift and a gift of kindness. You are almost certainly the person who experiences the pain of sadness when others are sad. It’s beautiful to spend a little time feeling what others are feeling, and this is a gift of empathy. You are almost certainly the person who steps up to help when you see someone drop something or need to open the door. You spent hours and hours looking after others. This is a gift of compassion.
So, what is compassion? The gift of compassion is to see someone else’s suffering. Whether it’s a big season of suffering or a small moment of suffering, compassion notices it and witnesses it. But man, this can be difficult! We can sometimes be awkward to be an eyewitness, as we infiltrate someone’s privacy and feel weak or inadequate. Therefore, instead of witnessing, we give words of encouragement that may help them through it. But it is not compassion, it is a gift of compassion. Compassion is also difficult when the pain we witness is angry (or “angry” as my teenage daughter says). Anger often causes our emotional barriers and protects our own mental health. Then we must take the extra step of calming our own barriers before becoming a compassionate witness. Even life itself challenges with caring sightings! When our lives are so fast and fulfilled, it is difficult to notice the pain. The smallest pain and quiet pain pass us – unnoticed, very easy.
A gift of compassion is what you want for someone else to do. OK, we may not be good at realizing our suffering, but we can still tackle this rather simple part of compassion, right? Well, this part is also difficult. For example, what’s best for someone can be too close to what we want, which causes our vy hope. Then they start creeping up, “Have they worked enough for this?” There is another example. The philosophy of yoga is about Karna or hopes that others will be free from suffering. But what if our ego stories began to raise doubts if they learned their lessons? it hurts. And what if “the best” to someone is something that doesn’t match your values? In that case, you can feel that wanting the best for them means that you are accepting their life choices. Very hard work! And there is our own deep desire for connections that can be intertwined with all this. The story of loneliness is, “What do I do? Where do you want the best for me?”
So are we caring? I want to give my thumbs and say, “I’m working on that!” But are we really working on that? Compassion takes commitment. Everyday mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, prayer, and quiet hiking can help slow our thoughts, so we’ll notice more. Practices like daily journaling, reading mindfulness blogs, listening to podcasts about emotions, and therapy can also help you unlock personal blocks with compassion.
The strange thing about compassion is that it’s worth it! It’s difficult, time-consuming, courageous, but working hard on our compassion will bring us back hundreds of times. Psychologist Paul Gilbert stated, “When we understand and work to remove fear, block, and resistance to it, compassion can flow naturally. Though compassion is one of the most difficult and courageous of all our motivations, it is the most healing and high.”
Until next time,
Roller
(Note that witnessing someone’s suffering is not the same as standing up when harm exists, and I hope you do your best for someone while you are away from the person who is causing you harm.)
