“If you are willing to look at other people’s actions towards you, reflecting your relationship with yourself rather than a statement about your values as a person, you will stop responding over time.” ~yogi bhajan
A few years ago, I hiked into remote forests in Bukidnon, a mountainous region in the southern Philippines. I was there to make a documentary about the people of Prangi-Yun, an indigenous community living in the village of Bendham. There was no path that led me there. There is no running water. Just a winding trail, a slow moving Carabao pulled my camera gear and some kind villagers climbed me up.
I brought with me the intention to listen. I observed my daily life, recorded sounds, and learned what I can do. What I didn’t know was that one of my deepest lessons came from spiders, not from the forests or people.
Very large spider. Hairy. It’s big and painful.
My accommodation was a small handmade shed with bamboo walls and woven floor mats. I was honored to stay there. I am grateful for the simplicity, peace and rest from the rain. But when I realized it, my gratitude became a bit darker. A dark shape, spider, on the floor in the corner of the room. It won’t move. The size of my extended palm.
I asked one of the locals if it should be, well… it was deleted.
They smiled gently. “I live there,” they said.
That’s all. I’m not worried. There are no plans to catch it in a cup and take it away. Spiders were not an issue. In fact, interfering may have been viewed as rude by the spirit believed to live in not just spiders, but everything that is visible and invisible.
So I had a choice: coexist or live in fear.
The challenges of coexistence
I couldn’t sleep at first. All the creaks of the bamboo surprised me. I imagined a spider would descend on my face in the middle of the night. However, the spiders didn’t seem to move around much every day. At least I wasn’t aware of the massive roaming around the beast. And slowly, I began to wonder – what was I scared of?
It wasn’t just a spider. That was unknown. Loss of control. A sense of vulnerability that is far from what I understood.
But here is what I learned. Coexistence is not about agreement or comfort. It is to choose not to reject or destroy things we don’t understand yet. It’s about pausing enough time to see if what we’re afraid of is really dangerous.
The spider has become a mirror.
Fear is not always a problem to solve
Over time, my relationship with the spider shifted. I stopped checking the corners because they were strong. I still noticed it but I didn’t respond. I stopped trying to protect myself from anything that didn’t actually threaten me.
To the quietness of those forest nights, I began to think about everything else I had tried to avoid or control in my life: conversation, emotions, uncertainty, even my sense of failure. The pattern was the same. It creates discomfort and I try to kick it out.
But this experience showed me another way: you don’t always need to resolve your fears. Sometimes you need to sit with it. Stay at the corner.
And over time, the relationship with fear changes. You grow big around it.
In the indigenous worldview of the Lumad people, coexistence is not an abstract concept, it is life. Trees, rivers, stones, animals – everything has a presence, role and spirit. Not everyone who shares the space. You need to respect that.
This is reflected in many traditions. In Buddhism, Metta practice encourages us to give affection not only to friends, but also to enemies, strangers and even those that scare us. In modern mindfulness practices, we learn to observe our experiences without judgment, allowing thoughts and sensations to travel back and forth.
Even in ecology, thriving systems are diverse, and balance depends on the peaceful existence of everything, even the spider.
What I’m telling my students now
I have taught filmmaking and storytelling for many years. My students often tackle fear – they are afraid to be seen, not enough, and make mistakes. Previously, I then tried to teach them. Now I’m teaching them to make space for it.
I’ll tell them about spiders.
I tell them how time I shared the shed with what I was afraid of and how coexisting with it has changed me more than that. The fear never faded. But it stopped running the show.
So, next time something in your life will scare you. It’s not because it’s harmful, but because it’s unfamiliar. Please don’t push it away. Don’t judge yourself as feeling that. Just breathe.
Let’s put it there.
You may discover that peaceful coexistence is possible, as I did.
And once you know it, there’s little to fear.
About Tony Collins
Tony Collins, EDD, MFA is a documentary filmmaker, teacher, musician, writer and consultant with 40 years of experience. His work explores creative expression, academic rigor and non-fiction storytelling throughout the United States, Central America, Asia and the United Arab Emirates. In 2025, he reconsidered self-publishing creative scholarships: reviews in films and new media, and challenges traditional academic reviews in films and new media. Website: anthonycollinsfilm.com
