“Let’s start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” ~Arthur Ash
It was a quiet night on the boat Quay. The sun set, casting warm golden shades over the water, and the air smelled faintly salt and the food on the streets. I was sitting on the riverbank with my best friend. My mind was heavier with the thought of refusing to calm down.
“I’m 30,” I said, breaking the silence. My voice trembled with frustration. “I have achieved nothing. Joseph School – he is younger than me and a gold medalist! My other friend has started his own business. And me? I’m just… here Masu.”
The words fell from me and were not filtered raw. My friend saw me with a mixture of concern and helplessness. I knew I was struggling with myself, but the inadequate sensation was clinging to me like a second skin.
Deep down, I believed that it was a need to struggle with myself and a way to drive myself to action. “If I don’t push myself, who would do it?” I thought. But no matter how hard I pressed it, I didn’t click anything. I felt burning, craving traction, but stuck in the same place.
Biting an elephant
For a long time, I was obsessed with great achievements. I wanted to make a splash and prove that I was capable and worthwhile. But every time I set my eyes on something monumental, I froze. The size of my goals overwhelmed me.
One day I came across an old saying: How do you eat an elephant? Sip one at a time.
It hit me like lightning. Maybe I didn’t have to tackle a huge goal at once. Maybe I could start small.
I decided to test this theory. My first “bite” was a simple commitment. I wake up 30 minutes early every day and spend some time reading books about my personal development. It wasn’t groundbreaking, but it was easy to manage.
To my surprise, this little step gave me a little boost in confidence. I kept my promise to myself, no matter how small. That sense of accomplishment, no matter how minor, was something I could build.
From there, I began to build up smaller commitments. I took on one short online course and another. I applied what I learned at work in small ways. Slowly and surely, these little actions began to pile up.
I’ve fixed everything and don’t go anywhere
For years I believed that the key to success is to fix my weaknesses. I spent countless hours analyzing my flaws and trying to “fix” them. I was trained in assertion because I wasn’t quite assertive. I read a book on productivity because I wasn’t well organized.
But no matter how much I tried to improve it, I felt like I was running. The more I focused on my flaws, the more they seemed to define me.
Then one day my mentor said something that changed my perspective: “What if you leaned on your strengths instead?”
It was a very simple idea, but I still felt it was innovative. I realized that I hadn’t stopped thinking about what I already had because I was so focused on what I was missing.
I began to ask myself: What am I good at? What naturally comes to me?
One of the answers that surfaced was communication. I have always been good at connecting with people through conversations and storytelling. So I decided to lean towards it. I volunteered to give a presentation at work and began reaching out to potential mentors for advice.
Something incredible happened when I leaned against my strengths: momentum. The more I focused on what I was good at, the more opportunities it seemed to be. I’ve not only fixed the defect anymore. I was building something meaningful.
Walking the undefeated path
As I began to gain momentum, I realized that part of my frustration stems from comparing myself to others. I was measuring progress on the paths others took, but those paths were not mine.
I was forged my own path. It was unfamiliar and full of uncertainty. There was no roadmap or guarantee – just a lot of trial and error.
Walking this path required me to confront my self-doubt every day. “What if I fail? What if I’m not enough?” Those thoughts still visited me, but I learned to welcome them like an old acquaintance. “Yeah, you’re there again,” I say in doubt. “Thank you for your feedback, but we’re moving forward anyway.”
Every move forward brought new challenges, but it also brought growth. The unknown that once feared me has become a space for discovery and creativity.
Comprehensive theme: We are looking for verification
Looking back on years of self-doubt and effort, we see a common thread. I was following the verification.
I wanted to prove my worth. Going to yourself, your family, and society. I thought achieving something big would finally make me feel whole. But the truth is that external achievements cannot fill that void.
The turning point came when I began to let go of the need for verification. I realized that my worth is not bound by what I have achieved or the way others have seen me. It was inherent and unchanging.
This was not the switch I flipped overnight. It was a slow process, one small step at a time. It’s just like eating an elephant. However, when I announced the need for external approval, I felt more free and grounded than ever before.
Become a teacher
Today I am a teacher. It’s not the flashiest career, but I feel it’s a deep coincidence with who I am. By teaching, I use my strengths (communication, empathy, tips for seeing the big picture) to help others navigate their paths.
I didn’t pursue my big, flashy goals here. I came here by focusing on my strengths and trusting the process.
Lessons learned
If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, here are some things I’ve learned.
1. Start: No major changes occur overnight. Focus on small manageable steps you can build.
2. Lean towards your strengths: Instead of sticking to your weaknesses, identify what you naturally have and find ways to use those strengths.
3. Let go of comparison: Your path is your own. You don’t have to look like someone else.
4. Trust the process: Growth is not necessarily linear, and it’s fine. No matter how small, every time you move forward, trust that you’re bringing you closer to where you want to be.
5. Release the need for validation: Your value is not tied to your achievements or how others see you. Just like you, it is unique.
Close thoughts
I sit here looking back on my journey, so I realize I’m still a work in progress. And that’s fine. Life is not about reaching your final destination. It’s about finding learning, growth and joy along the way.
If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, know that you are not alone. Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. With one small step at a time, you will get there.
About Kai
Kai is a coach and strategist who helps people discover blind spots and recognize deeper patterns that shape their lives. His background in Go Strategy, Zen Philosophy and Gestalt Coaching combines deep insights with practical wisdom. When he is not coaching, he explores learning, personal growth, and ways to navigate life with clarity and purpose. Connect with him at https://kaipoh.com.
