It is an inevitable fact in life that as your child gets older, less time will be spent with you. And it’s perfectly healthy for them to do so. They need to navigate their own paths, form connections with others, and learn from the mistakes they make. It’s all part of growth. However, as a parent, it can be very difficult to let go. I’ve been thinking about this recently and a lot about how you can stay connected with your teenage son. My son says specifically. Because as a mother to a teenage boy, I find this relationship with my son is much different from my teenage daughter.
I would like to share with you some of the things I do to keep mom’s son’s relationship strong and give some ideas to maintain a connection with her teenage son, or at least give some ideas to make someone else feel how difficult this relationship change is. I’m not perfect and I’m not openly proclaiming (is there something like a perfect parent?!?!)
Mother-child relationship
I have an absolutely indisputable bond with my teenage son. In many ways we are very similar. We share the same sense of humor, and we are both masters of irony. We only give each other a good look and know exactly what others are thinking. It is often a bit inappropriate. And we’re both a little surprised, but there’s no doubt that he’s far better than him these days!
When he was little he was what you would call a “mummy boy.” He spent time with me, playing with toys together, adventures together in the garden, playing crafts together, and then crafting together when he was playing computer games like Minecraft together. We can imagine a look of joy in his face as he sat on the floor of the living room and completed the challenge. Regular outbreaks may be added.
So, when it started disappearing, when he began hiding in his room, when he started playing Call of Duty with his peers, all I got off from him was the grunts and “something for dinner”, and it was heartbreaking, rather than lying. Because trying to maintain a connection with your teenage son is not easy. It’s not when they’re making it difficult for you to stay connected and give you time to interact or actually be the person you always love. Remember, we always love our kids, but sometimes we don’t particularly like them. It’s okay to admit that.
There’s time when I feel like I’m going crazy…clean my shoes, pick up some wet towels, empty the bottles, open the curtains, lower those plates. And when it’s the only interaction you have, it’s not only totally tired, but it doesn’t make you want to spend more time with each other.
Much of it is about thinking. Your child will grow up, times change, and as a parent you need to change with them. Otherwise, the connection really starts to disappear. The fact is that our relationship has never broken, it just has changed. And one lesson I had to learn is to accept it first and then change it. And one of the best ways I’ve found to deal with this change is to find and appreciate Glimmer.
Holiday bond times
Holidays are very valuable to me. I work mostly hard to go on an amazing holiday. It’s really important to me to be able to share the world with kids and be able to look to the many places to explore and spend quality time with them. No matter how hard we struggle at home, every time we go on our days off we come together and meet again as a family. It’s a very special time.
As the years went by, we had to adapt how we interact with each other on our holidays. Teenagers are notoriously bad at waking up in the morning, so I had to learn to let it go and instead head to the breakfast buffet without him. If he misses it, it’s his problem, not my problem. Giving up control is my problem, not my problem, but my problem.
We all began to respect the need for solo time and acknowledge how important it is for us to have our own space. And that’s about compromise, right? He can do what he wants in the daytime, but we always eat together. That’s what we do even at home. It’s time for us to sit together, eat and talk together.
What’s really nice is that holidays give us the opportunity to be the only ones who are ourselves to each other without the pressure of work, college or other everyday things. And in that relaxed state of mind, we feel compelled to do things together, sharing a round of golf (well, I was his caddy, but still time together). It’s easy, and that’s what a holiday should be there, and a simple family time is just hanging out and spending time together.
And that afternoon we were together, he was playing golf and I was driving a golf buggy (so much fun!). He had his clubs, golf shoes, all the right gear and more with him. He was looking for a professional because he knew in advance that there was a golf course at the hotel we were staying in. I cheered in all the right places, trying to find the ball when they left the course and lifted the flag as he got on the putting green. We laughed together, teased each other, soaked up in the sprinklers and had a good chat. A real opportunity for a good mom son’s time, it was lovely.
Shared benefits = Shared connections
I was not one of the forced parents who forced my kids to join a large number of clubs, learn all the instruments, and drive taxis into millions of different activities. By the way, I praise the parents for doing that. I will never know how you can continue in addition to that, it is like a full-time job in itself. But that wasn’t the way I rolled.
And don’t let me start the costs. Not only the activities themselves, but also what you need to equip them, but also football boots, not just soccer boots, but also molded studs, removable studs, and of course you also need Astro Turf boots. Then there are scout uniforms, rainy equipment, and camping equipment when you go on a hike. Of course, there are all the new access sleds you’ll need when you bring up the latest ones. So, if your padel shoes don’t have a decent pair, how can you play padel? ? !
As I say, if you are spending your money to make sure your child is entertained and enriched with each awakening time of the day, wear a hat on you. You’re a much better mom than me!
Luckily for me and my husband, both children were happy to do one hobby at a time. It was soccer for my son and drama for my daughter. As my son got older, he began to choose his own hobby. What he wanted to try was not only because his parents thought it was good for him, but because he was really interested. And that’s the growth of passion.
He now learns electric guitar, plays golf and goes to the gym. All of this was born through his own choices. And it’s so lovely to see passion grow within him. He loves all three. Because when you have him talk to them, you will be there for hours.
Celebrate the moment and stay connected with your teenage son
So for me, maintaining a connection with your teenage son is primarily about cherishing the moments and sparkles you go with them. I’m spending time in the gym with him, laughing at me because I can’t lift heavy weights and don’t know what all the machines are, let alone use them the right way. He’s his caddy and when he talks about hitting “mulligan” he doesn’t know what he’s doing (the legal thing is still not sure what that means!). He points out the guitar riffs he’s learning in MO, listens to rock music with him and says honestly what I’m listening to, but nods enthusiastically in every part I think is right.
There was one particularly nice morning on my days off. On our last morning we were actually there. There he woke up as early as me (we talk at 6am, so rather than waking others, we crept up at the 24-hour bar on our laptop and sat and worked together for a few hours. Both had coffee, both headphones on, he made some corrections, and I’m doing blogging work. The occasional conversation was mostly quiet, but even that felt like something we were united. The mutual ease and enjoyment of each other’s company.
Those little moments are precious. And I cherish them at home too. He’s learning to drive at this point, so we’re still in teen taxi mode, but in fact we love the times we need to drive his place. That’s when we chat. When he told me about his time, what he was doing, what he thought about what he was going on in the world. And when he can drive himself, I’m going to miss it. Maybe I’ll have to ask him to take me a taxi instead!
Teenagers don’t always make it easier, but the secret is to cherish the faintest things. Because they are summed into memorable and unbreakable. You stay connected when you’re interested in what they’re doing. Ultimately, they just want to be noticed, make you proud and revive your love. That will never change.
How do you maintain your connection with your teenage son?
Thank you for reading my post, it always means the world. Now, it’s time to hear from you. I’d like to know how I can keep my connection with my teenage son.
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Author’s Bio
Becky Stafferton is a full-time content creator, web publisher and blog strategy coach. She continues to strive to promote a realistic, sustainable and positive image of how to live a healthy life. When she isn’t writing, she can run through muddy puddles, make lists of lists, have good old moans, talk to dogs in funny voices, renovate her home in the country, and teach small business owners how to use blogs in their business.
