The kids are very perceptive. So how can you give feedback while modeling mindfulness, calmness and kindness? Mindfulness Director and Educator Alex Zernick shares proven tips for effective, mindful communication, both in the classroom and at home.
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Mindfulness Modeling When we communicate with children and students, research is a educational tool that supports. Giving wise feedback is a framework to encourage students to learn without a sense of criticism. Teachers can create mindful language cheat sheets with reliable phrases for clarity, calmness and kindness.
We might want to believe that growth involves possessing wisdom, but children have a way to undermine that perception. Think about how often our most intentional advice is met with a dramatic eye roll. You can even feel that irony is the main purpose of the eyeball. Vision is just a by-product, especially when it is the unsolicited feedback you had envisioned to provide.
However, children often need feedback. Without feedback, they are at risk of losing their eyes. Of course, their job is to test boundaries, and our job as educators and caregivers is to fine-tune them towards navigating those boundaries independently, without falling off the cliff. It can be a delicate balance.
As the Mindfulness Director at PK-8 Schools, I often think about how to communicate with students and how language can be a very powerful way to model mindfulness.
What happens when teachers model mindfulness?
Earlier in this grade, I shared with the school teachers how impactful our communication style was. I linked one of my favorite studies on mindfulness. It took place throughout the year, involving 599 high school students. This study found that students who perceived teachers as more mindful by the end of the year showed greater developments in mindfulness and compassion by the end of the year.
What I was trying to do was not need to have deep developed personal practices to influence the happiness of students. As someone who is trying to encourage teachers to incorporate mindfulness into their classrooms, I wanted to let them know that their ability to implicitly model mindfulness may be stronger than any explicit mindfulness lesson. After all, teaching your own curriculum is challenging in itself, and people find it uncomfortable to implement tools that are not part of their personal repertoire. If someone asks me to start weaving chemistry into my lessons, I will be hard to even know where to start.
There is no need to have deep developed personal practices to influence the well-being of students.
Understanding how you show up and engage with students can be a key factor in your development. In this study, we identified the characteristics of mindful teachers as gentle, clear and kind teachers. The researchers concluded that “through modeling, the presence of a gentle, clear and kind teacher, whether or not fulfillment is required, can support the overall development of students.” Language helps to communicate the types of coded lessons that can significantly affect student behavior, inform them that they are seen and supported, and see and support others.
How to give wise feedback
Of course, it’s difficult to communicate with clarity, calmness and kindness, especially if it’s not necessarily because it’s that, but if you’re over the number of people out there. We may assume that our statements are harmless, but from a student’s perspective, much of our communication can be felt critical. You ask, “Have you completed your assignment?” Students should not forget to get the job done on their own.
To support careless criticism, I also shared the concept of “wise feedback” with faculty. Psychologist David Jager explains that providing a clear and transparent statement about why feedback is given helps to understand that youths have high standards they can meet, and feedback comes across as encouragement rather than persistent. “There are some attractive nuggets out there, so I think you’ve completed the assignment. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on them.”
Language helps to communicate the types of coded lessons that can significantly affect student behavior, inform them that they are seen and supported, and see and support others.
Jaeger pointed to a study in which seventh grade social science teachers returned the paper to students with either neutral notes or notes, characterized by revision and wise feedback. 80% of students who received wise feedback ended up revising their essays, as opposed to 40% in the neutral note group. Anecdotally, I can report that using wise feedback in my pedagogy has significantly reduced eye rolling.
Mindful language, easy to create
At the end of my session with the teacher, I expressed that most teachers are probably convinced that they already represent elements of mindful education without them realizing it. One of the characteristics of being an educator is that you have the patience and compassion you need to develop learning. However, in the words of Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki, “You are just as perfect as you and can improve a little.” To expand the collective repertoire of mindful phrases, I gave everyone an index card so that the assembled wisdom could be utilized.
I asked my teacher to help create a “mindful language cheat sheet” that features the language used when trying to communicate with clarity, calmness and kindness. In other words, it was a wise collection of feedback. I then submitted a document compiling these phrases.
Everything can be figured. What you worry about is paying debts you don’t owe. This will be someday. There are days. Everyone looks great. Focus on what your best looks like. I’m walking with you with this. If you are in doubt, breathe.
Therefore, we were able to start a year where we have a language, open the heart of the problem, support students through challenging moments, and help bring a little lightness to the procedure.
In ancient lore of meditation and mindfulness, we hear stories of legendary teachers who worship all wisdom in a single act and pass it comfortably to the students who rapped it. Of course, it is an incredibly high bar for modern educators, not how regular learning occurs, but mostly in small moments that accumulate over the years. For us, humans who find themselves in a position to distribute wisdom require a much higher number of words to understand our point, whether it’s mindfulness students, chemistry students, or Play-Doh students. It’s difficult to teach. But don’t forget, everything will appear in the figures.
