“Believe that you can, and you’re on the way there.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
We’re used to people talking about dry January or calm October, but it’s rarely a plain summer. It doesn’t seem to be something, but what if that’s the case? What if there is a possibility that this year will become your reality?
I knew I wanted a different relationship with alcohol at many points in my 20s, 30s and 40s.
That day in June left me with a terrible hangover the next morning. I wasn’t a parent often, I ate all the foods I don’t normally do, I performed at work and went to bed early in a mist of regret, shame and guilt.
I want to tell you that it was my last drinking day, but it wasn’t. It took me another two and a half years from that point to reach the beginning of a calm life. One thing that was keeping me at stake was thinking about everything I missed. I knew I could not drink for a month – I did it before – but for 3 months, 6 months, 1 year…it felt like a big deal.
January is sometimes considered a reset time. The finances are probably a bit tight, and you’ve probably already been drinking plenty of time for the winter, and in January a break from alcohol is considered “socially acceptable.”
October has gained traction for several more years as another “resting from alcohol” month. It fits nicely at that point between summer and Christmas and can require a reset after an excess of holiday period, making it a month’s drink.
All I know is that I haven’t worn clothes for over 5 years, so here’s what I’m saying: If it’s a good time to take a break from alcohol, you don’t need to limit yourself to other people’s expectations. We are permitted to do our own rules, challenges, or experiments of happiness when we want and how long we want.
When I first decided to set up an experiment and choose not to drink for a year, I was really worried about all the summer fun I might miss. I usually switched my regular drinks for the summer. There were red wine and heavy cocktails, and rosé wine and spritz cocktails were there.
That first calm summer, I was worried how to navigate a friend’s wedding without champagne for toast, how to have a festival without a bottle of beer, and what other people would think of me if I didn’t have a bottle of wine on my barbecue.
It all seemed too much to handle and I couldn’t try it. Ultimately, I decided to come up with some strategies to support myself. I have worked in the local government role for over 12 years and have supported people with substance use and misuse. And it’s time to start listening to your own good advice.
I realized I needed to have compassionate self-talk, scripts to use for other people’s comments, and some practical steps to navigate events where alcohol is served.
If a calm summer sounds like a good idea for you, here are five pointers (and some journal questions) to help you find your calm.
1. intentionally.
I don’t think drinking is inevitable. Give lots of fun thoughts, feelings and options about not being a drinker.
Choice: What do you want to think about alcohol?
Example: I chose to see alcohol as an unnecessary addition to today. I know that alcohol doesn’t help me connect seriously with the people around me today.
Choice: How do you want to feel about alcohol?
For example: I feel that today I am empowering the choice not to drink. I am delighted to be able to stay hydrated and clearly put my head through this weekend.
Choice: How do you want to behave around alcohol?
Example: I behave in a neutral way around alcohol. I don’t want that and don’t think about it. I behave as if alcohol makes little sense to me.
Imagine it all in your mind’s eyes, write it down, and talk to yourself about it. This will support you to make it your reality.
Know that you’re likely to enjoy the physical benefits from a calm summer right away. Think about improving sleep, improving cognitive function, and clear skin.
2. Have an answer that is ready for a social situation.
When you arrive at a social event, what do you say to others and they ask why you don’t drink? Do I need to say anything? Isn’t it a big deal that you’re not drinking?
Perhaps you just say, “Thank you, please have some ginger beer,” and you’ll say, “Thank you, I want sparkling water.”
Do you need something or do you want to say something? No one will bear an explanation of your actions regarding choosing not to drink.
What you drink when you arrive at a party/gathering/dinner may feel important to you. Is it an event where you have to choose from the drinks offered, or an event that you can take yourself? If you know the answers in advance, you can decide on a plan.
Want to know what is very important about the answer to questions like this? Plan them and then follow them. Knowing that you can rely on yourself to follow what you have decided, it will bring wonders for your self-esteem and confidence to arrive at home from a social event.
3. Avoid the stress of summer and overwhelm them.
What can you do to simplify your life this summer? Can you reevaluate the social activities you were thinking of? Can you say no to some invitations that are not filled with joy? Can you do more of what you really love?
This time, please take a look at it as an experiment. If you’re not 100% sure about what you like in the summer, now is the perfect time to explore and find.
The emotional space created by removing alcohol can reconnect with yourself and identify what social situations are really making you feel better simply by holding the glass in your hand.
4. Find your peace or your emotional midpoint.
In the summer, drink frequently to relax, distract, numb and bore bore. You can find better habits that support your emotional, physical and mental health in other ways.
Are you planning on enjoying your meditation practice? Are you planning on spending more time outdoors? Do you want to start journaling?
Do you recognize that you want to be distracted or paralyzed? Do you realize why alcohol is necessary to make an event more enjoyable or exciting? What does it feel uncomfortable for you?
5. Try these ideas as an experiment.
If it feels wrong now or is too difficult, then you don’t have to promise to stop drinking forever. Enjoy what’s going forward for the next few months. Find out how you want to have a calm summer. See if you will reassess in autumn after feeling more calm.
Experiment and explore new drinks. What about inger beer, lime cordial and club soda, or Shirley Temple? Alcohol-free beers, no-alcoholic sparkling wines and plant drinks are also worth exploring.
The plain summer serves as a conscious experiment of intentionality. Not about permanent abstinence, you don’t need to create spaces to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol on your own terms. enjoy!
