The surprising hidden trauma revealed by Gabor Mate and Mel Robbins

Trauma is not just what happens to us, but also the silence, isolation, and lack of safety surrounding that event. This powerful truth was highlighted in a heartfelt conversation between Mel Robbins, motivational speaker, best-selling author, and host of the Mel Robbins Podcast, and Dr. Gabor Maté, renowned physician, trauma expert, and guest teacher for the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program.

During this moving discussion, Mel bravely shared her personal story of childhood sexual abuse. Known for his compassionate approach to trauma, Dr. Mate has uncovered the deeper layers of why painful experiences have such a profound impact: not just the event itself, but the emotional isolation that often surrounds it.

In this powerful YouTube video clip, Mel Robbins talks about her childhood trauma and reflects on how difficult it was to talk about it at the time. She also imagines how her daughters would feel if they went through a similar experience, and how silence and isolation would deepen the impact of the painful event.

Dr. Gabor Mate responds with deep compassion, reframing the trauma and providing insights that apply not only to Mel’s story, but also to the universal experience of wounding and healing.

Trauma can be deeper than the event itself. Core scars often result from being alone with pain. Loneliness can be present even before the event occurs. Vulnerability and lack of protection set the stage for trauma to take hold. The abuser feels vulnerable. They often detect unprotected children with “laser-like precision,” as Dr. Mate explains. Healing begins with awareness. Recognizing that trauma is multilayered with events and isolation opens the door to recovery.

Mel’s honest response–“I’m sorry I didn’t know about it sooner, but I’m so grateful for your work”–reflects the relief and healing that comes from compassionate understanding.

Trauma is often layered. Overt events (such as abuse or neglect) are one factor, but underlying wounds such as emotional isolation, lack of safety, and unprocessed fear can increase suffering.

Recognizing these layers allows healing to focus on root-level changes rather than surface-level treatments. Mindfulness and compassionate inquiry allow us to approach trauma with respect, curiosity, and compassion.

Drawing on Dr. Mate’s principles of compassionate inquiry and mindfulness, here are four practices you can start using today.

Mindfulness of Emotions: Noticing and Naming Without Judgment

Process: Sit quietly for 5-10 minutes. Notice your breathing, then scan your body. Where does the tension appear in your chest, belly, or jaw? Gently name the emotion, “This is fear.” “This is sadness.” Tip: Guided meditations such as body scans can help build “calm awareness.” Application: Families can encourage children to draw and describe the feelings in their bodies. Therapists can help clients recognize how past isolation resurfaces in their current feelings.

Considerate inquiries: Ask curious questions

Process: When a feeling or memory comes up, stop and ask, “What is this feeling trying to tell me? Where is it coming from?” Accept whatever happens without judgment. Tip: Keeping a journal may reveal patterns, such as recurring fears related to childhood isolation. Application: Parents can model curiosity by sharing their emotions with their children. Clinicians can guide clients to the causes of recurrent psychological distress.

Dealing with self-judgment: Observing the observer

Process: Become aware of self-critical thoughts such as “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Then take a step back. “Oh, there’s a judgment going on right now.” Tip: Treat yourself as you would a close friend. Over time, judgment softens and space is created for healing. Application: Family members can use “awareness statements” during conflicts. Therapists can apply this technique to help clients process shame.

Setting healthy boundaries and self-care habits

Process: Identify areas where you feel unprotected. Carefully set boundaries: “I need space to process this.” Combine it with self-care practices like daily walks, journaling, and loving-kindness meditation. Tip: Setting boundaries reduces resentment and restores a sense of safety. Application: Families can create safe routines, such as weekly check-ins. Therapists can incorporate self-care into their trauma-informed treatment plans.

Healing from trauma is a multi-layered and deeply personal journey. It requires patience, mindful awareness, and compassionate support. Whether you’re practicing mindfulness on your own, working with a therapist, or exploring Dr. Mate’s compassionate inquiry approach, remember the following:

Healing happens in small intentional steps.

Safety and connection are central to recovery.

You don’t have to do it alone.

If you are participating in one of our certification programs, we encourage you to review Dr. Mate’s teachings in our course modules for deeper guidance. If this conversation between Mel Robbins and Dr. Gabor Mate resonates with you, please share your thoughts in our community forum. We would love to hear your views.