“The most powerful thing you can do now is to be patient while things unfold for you.” ~idil ahmed⠀
I still vividly remember last year in college. After my application to study abroad was rejected, I was frustrated and disappointed. I was obsessed with exploring the world through academia, so I was convinced that further research was the best way to achieve my dreams.
Most of my peers were prepared to enter the workforce, but I imagined another path for myself. It included research, intellectual growth and ultimately academia careers.
However, there was one major obstacle. This is my level of proficiency in English. English is not my native language, so I had a hard time meeting the minimum IELTS score required for my application. My first attempt was a disaster. I barely passed the writing section because I didn’t score in the part I spoke to. I didn’t think it would be this difficult.
This test is expensive and it was not practical to retake the test multiple times without the confidence to pass it on. I felt trapped. If I failed again, I had no backup plan – I had no application for a job, so I completely invested in my dream of studying abroad. The dilemma was heavy on me. Should I pass the test and secure a scholarship, or just give up my dreams and keep pushing myself to focus on competing in the job market?
Both options felt like a dead end. I wasn’t enough to pass the test and wasn’t prepared to compete for work.
In my frustration I sought the comfort of the book. I have read several spiritual books in hoping to find peace. That was when I came across a quote from Rumi. He quotes from his mentor. “My days are a furnace of pain and anxiety when I chase what I think I want. I need to sit in a place of my own patience and flow to me without pain.”
The words hit me deeply. I realized I was stuck on a single path, convinced that it was the only way to reach my goal. I had never thought of any other options.
I’ve been a Rumi fan since high school. When I enrolled in college, I found a lot more of his work. During this time I also became interested in spiritualism and self-awareness. It was also when I began practicing meditation as part of my martial arts training.
I decided to keep Rumi’s wisdom in my mind. Instead of getting hooked on a problem, I stopped forcing a solution and accepted the tranquility for the first time.
At first I felt it was counterproductive, but gradually I began to understand something. If the dream wasn’t ready for that moment, it probably wasn’t meant to happen yet. I accepted that progress did not come immediately, and that my journey was not over just because I had hit an obstacle.
The tranquility at least reduced my anxiety and self-deprecation. It restored the feeling that I was okay, and the sky was still above me. In this perception, a friend from high school called me. She asked if I had graduated and when I said yes, she mentioned the vacant teaching assistant position at her school.
I sat straight. I had an education degree, so yes, education is my strength. More importantly, this particular school is an international school where most students and teachers are expatriates.
I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I felt that this was what Rumi meant by “it needs to flow to me without pain.” So I didn’t hesitate to say yes.
Simply put, I got a job. As a teaching assistant, I essentially helped my main teacher prepare the study materials and helped my students with their work. The environment made me absorbed in English. I spoke it all day, read documents, read books, write reports in English, and improved my English dramatically.
Eight months after I started working at that school, I retry the test. I was really confident. I knew my anxiety would go away and at least meet the minimum score. The test was painless, as Rumi had promised. I didn’t achieve a perfect score, but that was enough. I was relieved and knew that the biggest obstacle had been eliminated.
The tests I took were just the beginning of my journey to study abroad. I completed all the necessary management processes and secured a spot at my desired university just three months after the test. Also, being accepted into the scholarship programme, within a year of initial uncertainty about the future, I experienced a joy I had never imagined before. Everything went down in place and I realized that it was meant to happen at that time.
I realized that perseverance is the best treatment for anxiety. But most of us included me at the time, but we know that. The urge to control and rush towards our goals is overwhelming. We are always taught to push, strive and achieve. Suspension and waiting are by no means part of the curriculum.
I believe that ambitions are important now, but merciless pursuits are not necessarily the answer. Patience is not about giving up. The ability to wait while focusing on the target. When a lion hunts its prey, I think it resembles a lion. The lion is still waiting for the perfect moment to attack. Predators understand that patience is the key to success.
Therefore, perseverance is not passive. It is a positive projection of trust and preparation. Through this particular experience, I began to understand the difference between stillness and doing nothing.
When I allow myself to relax and slow myself down, another path appears. What I once thought I had detoured was that getting work was the very thing that helped me achieve my goals. Rather than chasing my dreams directly, I ended up finding my way by waiting patiently while doing something else.
Now, whenever I am pursuing something, it reminds me to pause. I take a step back, observe and make sure the odds aren’t piling up against me. If so, I will wait patiently and explore other possibilities. Sometimes the best way to go forward is to stay still.
About Gelar Riksa
Gelar Riksa is an Indonesia-based writer who makes a living working for an Edtech company. She loves books, meditation, sports and storytelling. She loves to write about mindfulness, self-discovery and living a simple life.
