You can investigate without suppressing your emotions

When difficult, the first response is to ward off or ignore unpleasant feelings. That’s normal. However, practice allows you to lean on the comfort of a safe or meditation space and learn to engage directly instead. One of the essential qualities of mindfulness is that it comes out of anything rather than restraining emotions or running away from inner challenges.

In this short video, founder editor Barry Boyce answers our questions about emotional health and how we can look towards our emotions.

Q&A with Mindful Founding Editor Bally Voice

How to suppress our emotions

Q: If you make us feel emotions, one of the concerns may be that we can’t stop feeling them. If we’ve been avoiding our feelings for a long time, is it too much to deal with? What would you recommend?

A: The fear that our emotions overtake us and control our lives (or at least a significant part of our time) is one of the reasons we seek heartless distractions. Being kind to yourself repeatedly is Job 1. Practice of mindfulness is not about actively “taking” our emotions in the fight against death. If we’ve been restraining something for so long, if mindfulness starts to bring it into conscious awareness – as it does – the important instruction is to notice it and move on. Once he appears again, he will probably be able to do the same in a few seconds. Little by little, this approach reduces emotional wallop by splitting it into instantaneous pieces.

You never push yourself to the brink of hoping to gain freedom and insight.

This is easy to say, but touching and letting go of emotions requires a lot of kindness, slow and continually calm effort to yourself. Touch it and let it go. If we are truly overwhelmed and broken down, we may need the help of a friend or counselor. You never push yourself to the brink of hoping to gain freedom and insight. It’s easy. If you are injured, beware of the wound or get the help you need to heal.

At some point, when we feel safer, we can get the benefits of the repetitive realizations we have come to and explore our emotional landscape further. But it is a more awareness and research practice, in contrast to straight mindfulness.

Coping mechanisms and emotional suppression

Q: Ignoring our emotions can be a coping mechanism in a stressful time. We can sometimes restrain our emotions, but will the rest of the time be open to them too? Is “not restraining emotions” a transaction of all or neglect?

A: Excellent and delicate questions. As mentioned above, first and foremost, it is important to be kind to yourself. So when emotions threaten to overwhelm us, we can respond to them with some form of “Yes, I know you’re there, but now is not the time for me to go there.” You may need to repeat it. Such an attitude does not mean you are suppressing or ignoring your emotions. In fact, you’ve noticed it and acknowledged it. Touch it and proceed. It’s mindfulness.

When emotions threaten to overwhelm us, we can respond to them with some form of “Yes, I know you’re there, but now is not the time for me to go there.”

When you simply realize that, you generally reduce the power to overwhelm you a little. In contrast, suppression – aggressively pushing it down and away from it will increase its power.

Is emotional intelligence luxury?

Q: To some people, tackling emotional intelligence seems unrealistic. What are some examples of how we use emotional intelligence in our daily lives?

A: To understand why emotional intelligence is not an unrealistic luxury, it helps to first define the meaning of “emotional intelligence.” According to Yale’s Center for Emotion Intelligence, the concept first appeared as two emotion researchers, Peter Saroby and John Mayer, who “did the sadness that the theory of intelligence has no systematic place for emotions.” In an important paper published in 1990, they described this revolutionary idea called “emotional intelligence.” The idea got caught up in, Yale’s Sarovie and his lab became recognized leaders, pushing the field upwards for new discoveries and innovation. Five years later, it became Dan Goleman’s book, “Emotional Intelligence: Why More Important and Bestsellers,” and further popularized the idea. When Google launched its Mindfulness program, it highlighted emotional intelligence in 2007 when it searched for its Inside Yourself. In that respect, the program followed the belief that practices of mindfulness and awareness, as well as the practice of affection and compassion, can enhance our emotional intelligence.

If the ability to “actually recognize, understand, utilize and regulate emotions in everyday life” is low, it can very simply create pain and for others and ourselves. Finding ways to relieve pain is neither unrealistic nor extravagant. That’s healthy.

How do you find ways to use emotional intelligence in our daily lives? From a mindfulness perspective, important habits that help us develop a more emotional intelligence are paused, and emotional momentum begins to be interrupted, so there are moments when we realize how they are manifesting in our bodies and minds. A little regular mindfulness practice, as we often do, can help you develop a pause habit. When they aren’t that smart and we are confused? Instead of stumbling blindly wherever our emotions lead us, we may realize it and learn from encounters.

In the April 2019 issue of Mindful and on Mindful.org, it featured Dena Simmons’ Yale Center, assistant director of emotional intelligence. Centre director Mark Brackett has recently been reviewed on Mindful.org to help his book Primmits to Feel: Unleash the Power of Emotions and help our children, ourselves and our society flourish.

Men and emotional happiness

Q: Men are often taught that crying (or showing almost any kind of emotion) is too feminine. What can we do to change this ingrained idea in ourselves and those around us?

A: On a very simple level, when it appears that a man or a boy is on the verge of tears, we can very kindly inform them that it’s okay to cry. A word or two or nonverbal messages are often enough to convey the feeling without being too conceptual about it. Quiet listening and warmth go a long way in allowing someone to simplify their emotions. At the very least, you can respond without deeming it inappropriate.

Changing gender stereotypes on a wider scale raises deep questions beyond the scope of personal mindfulness practices. How can children be socialized, gender meanings be extensively explored by many people and shape the basis for various programs aimed at social change? Most interesting is the representative project started by Jennifer Sabel Newsom (who is married to the current governor of California).

Her film’s Miss Representative is about how girls are taught to think about gender, and the mask you live in is “following boys and young men as boys and young men struggle to stay true to themselves while negotiating a narrow definition of American masculinity,” according to the representative project’s website. Newsom’s latest film, The Great American Lies, focuses on social addiction to a specific definition of feminine values. Newsome has announced these issues several times at the Wisdom 2.0 meeting. The mask you live in features works from the Ashanti branch, one of the feature teachers of Mindful’s Mindful 30 Challenge. These films can be screened by school groups and other films that are interested in gender education.