On Mother’s Day, I went to my local garden center where I like to spend my holidays. In fact, my only request for Mother’s Day is that you take the time to choose a plant and find a home for it in your garden. This Sunday I overheard another mother talking to her children and smiling about how the garden was her “happy place.” Her joy was palpable, and the children eagerly pointed out their favorite flowers and asked if they too could take the plants home.
There are many different ways to care for your garden mirror.
Variations of this scene played out around me, mothers wanting to and spending their holidays here among the lush vegetation. As Father’s Day approached, I wondered if the store would be the same in just a few weeks. I hoped that was the case.
gardening benefits
There are many different ways to care for your garden mirror. Anyone who has ever spent an afternoon weeding knows that it can be a thankless job, and that nurturing seeds to their maximum growth requires patience, consistency, resilience, hope, and a little bit of luck.
In nature, like parent-child relationships, awe and beauty proliferate along the way, rather than with a predetermined endpoint.
There’s a saying among parents that raising children involves more fun than fun. In other words, raising children can be deeply rewarding and fulfilling, but it doesn’t mean instant gratification. The same goes for the garden, of course. Fig seedlings do not bear fruit right away. Asparagus takes three years to root, mature, and be ready for harvest.
In nature, like parent-child relationships, awe and beauty proliferate along the way, rather than with a predetermined endpoint. Practices that foster experiences of awe and appreciation for beauty have a positive impact on health. If you ask someone about a recent experience of awe (we encourage you to do so!), they might share a moment in nature: a shooting star in an otherwise pitch-black sky, the appearance of a twinkling rainbow overhead on the anniversary of a loved one’s death, the discovery of a robin’s perfectly pale blue eggs. Or maybe you’ll be sharing a moment with your child: a first step, a dimpled smile, a birth. Like any other mental muscle, we can train ourselves to find these moments. Often all we have to do is go outside.
Gardening is an investment in something that needs to be grown. A serious commitment to caring for living things is needed.
Research shows that gardening has a positive impact on health and well-being. Simply spending time in a green space can visibly reduce stress levels. Spending time in nature gives our brains a chance to engage with what we call “soft attractions.” This is a diffused attention state in which the brain, freed from the demands of immediate tasks, can experience relaxation, make new connections, and regain attention. Most of us have had the experience of going for a walk and suddenly coming up with a solution to a previously unsolvable problem, or, less dramatically but equally important, returning to our desks refreshed and feeling better. Raising a child requires many resources, one of which requires attention. As parental stress and the demands of modern parenting increase, it becomes increasingly urgent to identify sustainable and accessible stress management practices. The garden can be provided with a built-in ointment.
Moreover, while gardening is a quiet and restorative personal activity, gardening communities abound in the form of CSAs, urban gardens, plant shares, seed libraries, and more, suggesting that gardening can also feed the social brain. Leisure activities that foster social connections have a particular impact on happiness (fun, fun!). And when it comes to parenting, having a strong social network is a protective factor for overall health.
But there are other things that distinguish gardening from other activities in nature.
In fact, fathers who serve as primary caregivers experience many of the physiological brain changes previously associated with biological mothers, including changes in gray matter and restructuring of the brain’s emotional processing centers.
Gardening is an investment in something that needs to be grown. A serious commitment to caring for living things is needed. What gardening represents – who wants and needs to care for our environment and our fellow beings, who enjoys nurturing beauty, who can be patient, kind and gentle – is what makes it an especially poignant activity for fathers.
Fathers as essential caregivers
There has been a historical gap in research on fathers’ child-rearing experiences. In her book Dad Brain, Darcy Saxby explains how new research at the intersection of neuroscience and psychology reveals that all of us, not just mothers, are more likely to receive care. This manifests itself in the form of neural circuits that are activated by the act of caring, rather than simply or solely dependent on the experience of pregnancy and childbirth.
In fact, fathers who serve as primary caregivers experience many of the physiological brain changes previously associated with biological mothers, including changes in gray matter and restructuring of the brain’s emotional processing centers.
Fathers have much to gain from their role as caregivers. The majority of fathers report finding a great sense of meaning and purpose in being a parent. Interestingly, and perhaps unsurprisingly, fathers who are primary caregivers also appear to be more vulnerable to the mental health challenges associated with modern parenting. Like all parents, they need support and access to tools and practices to promote good health. One example is gardening, which has holistic benefits for happiness, quality of life, and health. To meaningfully encourage this, we must first recognize and even praise fathers’ ability to nurture, guide, and cultivate.
If we take seriously the role of fathers as caregivers, we will not only strengthen our support systems for our children, but also more effectively respect the challenges and benefits of care work in general.
Father’s Day is only one day a year. However, holidays reinforce cultural norms and values. Father’s Day traditions can serve as a mirror that conveys cultural messages about the role, needs, and aspirations of fathers, and the activities and resources available to them. If we stop and think hard about the values we want to foster as parents, we may see how activities like gardening can provide psychological and health benefits for fathers, while also reinforcing their important role within complex networks of care.
To be clear, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate Father’s Day. In fact, there are endless ways to have a meaningful celebration. Regardless of how we spend our days, if we take fathers’ roles as caregivers seriously, we not only strengthen our support systems for our children, but also more effectively respect the challenges and benefits of caregiving work in general.
And perhaps by inviting mothers into the garden, so to speak, by more intentionally involving fathers in some of the rituals, communities, and activities that have historically been associated with mothers, we might also expand our understanding of who wants and deserves to care for living things, and who is obligated to care for them.
Thoughtful gardening practices for fathers and families
Plant seeds with your child. All you need is one seed. Plant it outdoors or on a windowsill. Please check together daily. Each time, share your observations about the tiny little changes you noticed as they sprouted and started to grow. Why not take a walk in the garden and enjoy your five senses? Look for all the colors of the rainbow. Smell the flowers, gently rub the edible herbs between your fingers, and notice the scent that lingers. Feel the sun, wind, and fog on your face. If you have clean fruits and vegetables ready to harvest, taste them together and taste them. Visit a garden center, join a CSA, volunteer for an urban gardening project, or visit a seed library. These are great activities to do as a family. Please introduce yourself. See what new facts you can discover about native plants, companion planting, dahlia tubers, and even cucumber trellises. Find a place to sit. Dedicate one spot, like a window, tree, or bench, that you’ll come back to every week. Set the timer for 3 minutes each time (or 30 seconds if you are doing this with young children). Sit quietly and notice the sights, sounds, smells, and your emotions. You can share your observations, draw pictures, or record them in a journal. Invite someone like your father. Consider bringing a fellow father, partner, or father-substitute to the garden experience with you. Share what you love about your garden. Show them where you find beauty, meaning, and awe. As you do so, share what you appreciate about them as a caregiver and how they have helped you grow.
