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“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and hunched over in solitude.” ~Maya Angelou
I used to believe that healing and personal change required a lot of effort. For example, writing page by page in your diary or waking up at dawn to perform your morning routine.
When I went through the paralysis stage, or what we now call the tunnel of darkness, it was scary and there seemed to be no end in sight. But one song found me at the right time and changed everything.
In less than 5 minutes, I accomplished something I couldn’t do with all the tools and knowledge I had. It made me feel something.
In that moment, I remembered that healing and moving forward doesn’t always require rituals or words, all it takes is the right sound at the right time.
Until the moment I woke up, my life felt like it was in a loop. Every day, everything was the same. My existence was silent, nothing resonated with me, I lived an empty, flat, indifferent life.
Every day felt like the previous one. I was disconnected, but desperate to feel something. Whatever this was, I put pressure on myself to figure it out. And when that didn’t work, I pushed harder and harder.
I tried everything I had learned over the years: deep breathing, meditation that only amplified the noise in my head, journaling until my hands hurt, lighting a salt candle, and I still couldn’t seem to connect with myself.
There was only silence, but not peace. I felt strange, disoriented, and kind of stuck. A presence that no longer depicts me as a person, but as just a body in motion.
Still nothing changed. None of the knowledge I had made a difference. It was like a tunnel caved in and I felt like I was nothing, like I would never be able to go anywhere again.
One day, I pressed the play button on RM’s “Wild Flower” by BTS. I don’t remember exactly how I found it, but I remember just being alone and trying to de-stress.
It was one of those moments where something just clicked without really knowing why. However, it was just a quiet inner push. BTS had come into my life a few months earlier, but I was most drawn to RM. That day, something inside me, the part that still had hope, asked me to click on this song, this video. And within seconds everything changed.
At that moment, my body stopped and I realized. From the opening that hit me like fireworks, to the first notes and words spoken (Korean, which I didn’t understand), I felt something again. I couldn’t believe it.
I went from numb to goosebumps, tears streaming down my face, and tension draining from my body.
The emotion in RM’s voice, the chorus sung by Youjeen, and the sound of the music itself reminded me that I was still alive. I’m still here.
That song helped me open up, feel again, and realize that there was a way out, a way back to myself.
At first, I didn’t understand the lyrics, and I didn’t care about it, so I didn’t even try. What mattered was his raw voice, full of emotion that anyone could understand. The longing, the pain, the release, it was all enough.
When I looked up the words later, they made even more sense. Sentences like “When your heart underestimates you” and “Keep your feet firmly on the ground” felt like they were sending messages directly to my soul. As if someone had finally seen me – not who I was, but who I was beneath all my efforts.
At that moment I realized there was nothing more I needed to do. It was about opening up a little more and receiving what this song was giving me.
There was no need to write a diary, immerse yourself deeply in self-development, correct yourself, or be busy. In that moment, I remembered that just being with the music was enough.
While journaling can give you insight into yourself and your life, music can give you the emotions you need to begin healing.
And then a quiet question arose within me. “What if we didn’t have to try and find healing?”
What if we didn’t have to constantly strive to be okay? What if part of healing was actually pausing, softening, and letting us embrace something bigger, even if just for a moment?
That one song became that moment for me. It cracked something open. And once I did that, I didn’t fall apart. I slowly, quietly but surely began to come to life again.
I still love journaling and it has become a consistent part of my life, but I now know that healing can begin with silence, sound, and surrender.
Since then, there have been many other moments where music became the medicine I never knew I needed.
Sometimes it’s a gentle white sound, a mix of the crackling of a fire and rain. Also, some beats may move us, make us cry, or make us sing.
But “Wild Flower” was the beginning, and it was the song that made me feel like there was possibility again. That numbness is not permanent. And sometimes you don’t even have to look for the right words. All you have to do is listen.
I recommend paying attention to what songs make you discover yourself and how they make you feel. Because perhaps today your healing begins with listening.
About Birgit Livesy
Birgit Livesey is an introverted musical mindfulness guide that helps quiet souls find their way back to themselves through music. She knows how heavy life can feel when you’re emotionally exhausted or stuck, and how the right song at the right time can be a calming way home. Here you can find her honest thoughts and kind suggestions.
