Dance in the Darkness: How to Recover Your Whole

“Shadowwork is a way of lighting. Once we notice everything that is buried within us, what lurks beneath the surface no longer gives us strength.” ~aletheia luna

For years I believed that healing was overcoming pain. I took courses, read books, learned all the energy healing techniques I could find, and became a healer myself.

For a while I felt better. There was something groundbreaking. My anxiety has been reduced.

My depression episodes are fewer. But they never completely disappeared. Even after all the internal work there were still days that felt unbearably low. My thoughts competed, day and night filled with fear and doubt.

I told myself that if I was really healed, these feelings shouldn’t exist anymore. If I had really evolved, I wouldn’t feel this way.

And most importantly, if I were a healer, how can I still have a hard time?

Certainly, I was doing something wrong.

I began to ask myself questions. I probably wasn’t “good enough” as a healer. Maybe I wasn’t doing enough inner work. Maybe he wasn’t planning on being on this path.

So I doubled. I meditated for a long time. More journals. It cleaned my energy. I declared.

Still, sadness still found me. Anxiety still whispered the fear. No matter how much I tried to correct myself, these feelings refused to leave.

It wasn’t until I stopped fighting my pain that anything changed. I realized I’ve been treating it for years as something to get rid of my emotions. But healing is not about eliminating pain. It’s about being intimate.

So instead of holding back my darkness, I began to know that. Instead of running away from the emotions, I sat with them.

I let my sadness speak through poetry.

I made my anxiety move the dance.

I let my shadow express myself through art, writing and tranquility.

And then something unexpected happened. The more I accepted the pain, the less powerful it had on me. The more I felt I had no judgment, the more compassion I felt about myself.

I learned that healing isn’t about reaching a perfect, painless version of myself. It’s about integrating every part of you.

I realized that being a healer doesn’t mean there’s no struggle. It means that you have the courage to meet yourself just as you can, without any shyness, without resistance, with deep, unwavering love.

Because healing is not about erasing your darkness.

It’s about learning to dance with it.

What is the shadow self?

Our shadow is made up of parts of ourselves that we have been taught to hide. Our fears, repressed emotions, raw pain, even our undeveloped strengths.

Maybe you learned to restrain it because as a child, you were told that expressing your anger was “bad.”

Maybe you grew up believing that vulnerability is weakness, so you have built a wall around your mind.

Shadows are not merely made up of things we perceive as negative. It can also include hidden gifts. Some of us hide our strength. Because we were taught that it is not safe to shine.

Some of us suppress our intuition because we fear we are wrong. Some of us fill our true desires as they are conditioned to think they are unrealistic or selfish.

But here it is: Whatever we restrain will not go away. It only works against us in an unconscious way.

Our unearthed wounds can appear as follows

Confined to the same painful pattern, emotional emotional triggers trigger emotional triggers that come out of nowhere from fear of success that overreact to someone else’s particular behavior (often reflecting what they have rejected themselves) and feel “at work” and feel like they are “at work.”

So, rather than fearing or avoiding it, how do we begin to integrate the shadows?

5 Ways to Start Shadow Integration

1. Be interested in triggers.

One of the easiest ways to identify our shadows is to pay attention to what causes us.

Have you ever felt an irrational, strong reaction to something? Perhaps the comments given to you made you feel deeply uneasy, or someone else’s confidence made you annoyed.

Our trigger is a messenger. They reveal wounds that are still waiting to be healed and integrated.

Reflective prompt:

Think of the last time something has upset you or makes you irritate. What were the deeper emotions below? Does this remind you of past experiences and beliefs? If this is a message from your inner self, what is it saying?

Rather than judging a response, it opens the door to healing when you can sit with the response.

2. Identify what you have been taught to suppress.

Many of our shadow sides were created as children. We have learned that certain emotions, traits, or desires are not “acceptable.”

Ask yourself:

What part of you felt that you had to hide your growth? What qualities do I judge in others (and these may be aspects I have rejected myself)? Did I discuss it from myself as they feel “unrealistic” or “selfish”?

For example, if you are taught that being sensitive means being weak, you may suppress your emotions and fight vulnerability. If you grew up in an environment where success encountered jealousy, you may be afraid to unconsciously step into your potential.

By bringing awareness to these patterns, you can start rewriting them.

3. Sit and practice with unpleasant emotions.

Most of us were not taught how to sit with our emotions. We were taught how to suppress, avoid, or “fix” them.

But emotions don’t matter. They are a message.

Instead of chasing away sadness, frustration, or fear, try to welcome them as temporary visitors.

Try this:

When difficult emotions arise, pause and say, I will meet you. I can hear it. I’m listening. Keep an eye on what sensations will occur in your body. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to sit with it without rushing to change it.

The more you practice this, the less power your emotions have against you.

4. Reconnect with the inside child.

Many of our shadows are rooted in childhood experiences.

To heal these wounds, you need to compensate yourself with love and compassion.

Simple inner child exercise:

Close your eyes and imagine your young self standing in front of you. Imagine them at the age they felt most vulnerable. Question: What do you need to ask now? It provides them with love, verification and security they may not have received.

This simple exercise is extremely powerful in healing past wounds and integrating your shadows.

5. Express what you’ve been holding back.

Shadow integration is more than just recognizing hidden parts. It’s about allowing yourself to express them in a healthy way.

If you have suppressed your voice, start making a statement.

If you fill your creativity, be free to create it.

If you’re afraid to take up space, start owning your value.

Challenge:

Identify one way you are making yourself smaller. Take one small step this week to express that part of yourself.

When we integrate shadows, we regain the full spectrum of who we are.

I’ll accept your whole

Healing is not about perfection. It’s about becoming a whole.

The parts of us that we once rejected hold on immeasurable wisdom, creativity and strength. When we integrate them, we unleash a new level of self-awareness, freedom, and inner peace.

So, try sitting with them next, instead of running from them.

Instead of fighting your fears, ask them what they have to teach you.

Instead of rejecting your part of yourself that you feel is unsuitable, try offering them love.

Because healing is not about erasing your darkness.

That’s what you learn to dance with. That too until it gets lighter.

I want to hear from you: what are some of yourself that you are learning to accept? Please drop a comment below.