“If you don’t like something, if you can’t change it, change your mindset.” ~ Mary Engelbright
“So what do you think?” asked my husband, the dinner table lit up by the soft glow of the light above his head. He had been talking for a while and I knew I should have heard.
“What do you think?” he repeated with hints of frustration.
My heart competed to piece together the last few minutes. All I could say was weak, “Huh?”
That was the worst response. Usually I’m there with him and share my thoughts. But this time, my attention was elsewhere. I was scrolling unconsciously on my phone.
The frustration in his eyes was a clear reminder of how often I missed the present moment.
I realized my phone was stealing the real connection. I knew I needed to change.
The struggle against bad habits is real
We were all fighting habits that we knew weren’t good for us. Mine was endless scrolling and checking on social media.
After that dinner incident, I regained my attention and decided to exist. My first move? Delete all social media apps.
The first week was tough. I wasn’t on social media, but my phone still felt like an extension of my hands. I instinctively reached for it and was ready to open Instagram, but I remembered it was gone. This happened every hour. I was trying to change, but the craving was intense.
A few weeks later, my motivation disappeared. “What is the point?” I wondered. I felt like I was missing out on contact with my friends.
It justified checking your phone during “downtime.”
The more I told myself, “Don’t use your phone,” the more I became. It was like telling yourself not to think about being asleep… you just realize you’re more awake.
Inevitably I reinstalled the app and reverted to the old pattern. I felt defeated and annoyed. I also labeled myself “lazy.” I thought I had failed.
Discovering a new approach: acceptance
One day, while browsing the library, I stumbled upon the psychological concept of “the rupture of extinction.” This explains the surge in behavior after you tried to stop it.
Think of it like this: you have decided to give up on the sweets, and for a few days it’s fine. Then, all of a sudden, he eats up the entire box of cookies.
That’s what happened to me. I thought Willpower was the answer, but I thought resistance would only intensify my cravings.
Instead, I learned about embracing bad habits. This means acknowledging their presence without judgment.
Everything changed when I shifted my perspective. My anxiety has diminished and I have stopped emphasizing “doing the right thing.”
I realized that going back to the old pattern won’t make me fail. That meant that I needed more time to better understand my habits.
Practical steps to embracing bad habits
1. Create space for observation.
Accepting bad habits starts with understanding them. I have begun observing the use of phones with a new level of awareness.
Using mindfulness techniques, we have better recognized triggers that have led us to reach for the phone. We also started journaling to track when and why we wanted to scroll. What feelings and circumstances have prompted me to seek distractions on my phone? What needs were I trying to meet? For example, did I feel lonely, bored or stressed?
2. Change the story about your habits.
Instead of the harsh “Don’t use your phone”, I started using a more gentle approach. I said, “Don’t use your phone right now.”
This admitted the impulse without completely denying it. It gave me time to pause and breathe, consciously deciding whether I should check my phone or not.
This simple change in language created a space for mindful decision-making.
3. Reconstruct “bad habits” as signals.
Instead of labeling habits as “bad”, consider signals. Ask yourself: What am I trying to meet? What am I feeling now?
For example, I learned that checking your phone is a signal of fear of needing to connect and missing out.
Once you understand the message behind your habits, respond with compassion and understanding. Instead of criticizing yourself, acknowledge your needs and explore healthier ways to meet them.
This shift changes from enemy to enemy to valuable insight into your inner world.
4. It’s not just about replacing and eliminating it.
Instead of simply removing social media apps, I looked for healthier alternatives. “I realized I wanted to use my phone. Instead, I’m going to read a page of the book,” he began to say.
Finding alternatives helped me fill the gap and made the transition smoother.
For example, if you feel the urge to scroll when you’re bored, you can instead reach for a book, walk, or listen to podcasts.
5. Treat yourself with kindness.
Beating yourself to go back to old habits made the process even more difficult. I learned to practice self-compassion and reminded me that change takes time and that set-off is the normal part of being human.
I wanted this change the most, so I had to be patient and kind to myself. And I have made more progress by providing myself with the same understanding and support I provide to my friends.
Move towards a new relationship with your habits
Habits are complicated and breaking them is not easy. But understanding them is the first step to changing them.
Embracing bad habits is a powerful tool for change. Instead of fighting them, we can observe, understand, and redirect them.
I have learned that it doesn’t mean giving up accepting your habits. That means you are gaining control. You are acknowledging your humanity and approaching change with compassion and understanding.
You have the power to rebuild your relationship with your habits and create a life that is consistent with your values and aspirations.
What habits do you work on? Share your experience in the comments below! Or share this post with someone who can benefit from it. Let’s support each other on this journey.
About Nury
Nury has created her new habits to simplify the personal growth of beginners. Her writing offers friendly support and practical advice. Start with her free morning routine guide (this is the perfect first step). Or visit her new Habits blog to explore more resources and find your growth path today.
