How to speak with the heart: breathe your first words

“Mindfulness is a pause. It’s the space between stimuli and response. That’s where the choice is.” ~ Tarabrach

We were all there.

A sharp reply. Snaid’s remarks. The moment we say something completely somewhere else, rather than from the heart – it must sound right, wise, prove the point, maintain control, or simply protect ourselves.

Below is the rotation. I know what was said did not match our souls. Overthinking, instant replays, anti-mission, regret, toning in the heart, a wish we can get it back.

We justify and rationalize, but deep down, we know that those words don’t apply to who we are. They were not faithful to our side, eager to connect.

For years I lived in that loop.

I take pride in being kind, thoughtful, intelligent, clear and in control. I made every effort to do so. But I was operating from a place full of expectations and invisible scripts. I was playing a role: a composer, a high achievement, a resourceful and loyal friend, a perfect daughter and sister, a confident partner, and an ideal mother.

And while my words were often considered, they lacked something deeper and essential: mind.

I thought that being thoughtful means thinking more. I plan my answer. A victory debate. But what I didn’t realize was that thinking without existence can become a wall rather than a bridge.

I began to understand different kinds of thoughtfulness until I learned to make room between the stimuli and the response and use that space to connect inside. Deeperful Type: Heartfulness.

This is wisdom. It is embodied, not intellectual. It lives in the body, not in the mind. In my breath. In my heart.

A journey back to your heart

This shift did not occur overnight.

It came slowly as I gave permission to pause, look back and grow. I began to realize how my words shape my relationships and overall experiences of life. I wanted to feel better. It’s calming down. There’s more connection. There are few anti-minate. I have few regrets. There is less pain. It makes you feel happier, more relaxed and more authentic.

Mindfulness opened the door.

Through meditation, self-stimulation, and meditative reading, I began to understand the impeccable power of my words.

Books such as the Four Contracts and Its Central Education by Don Miguel Ruiz: I can deeply consider the impeccable things in your words. So, Buddhist teachings about correct speech invite us to ask before speaking: is this kind of thing? Is this honest? Is this timely? Does it add value?

These questions have become my framework.

Repeat quietly every morning during meditation. I go back to them during conversations, especially the difficult ones. In the end, they became part of me.

And here’s what I noticed: The impeccable thing about our words is not just to avoid gossip and negativity.

It’s about creating love.

It’s about adding it to the world rather than taking it.

It’s about using words rather than breaking.

That meant pausing before I could speak. It feels in my body. Listen to what was true beneath the surface.

And slowly, my words began to change.

I began to feel the quiet force of responding rather than reacting. I no longer used my energy to defend or counter-mined. Instead, I was using it to create connections and kindness.

This was a new kind of power. It’s not the kind that provides space rather than feeling “control.” A space that connects with who I really am. A space to choose love.

Simple yet powerful phrases to remember

Just a few weeks ago I came across a podcast. There, Jefferson Fisher, a Texas trial lawyer who frequently speaks about emotional regulation and grounded communications, was interviewed.

He proposed:

“May your first words be breath.”

And at that moment I felt that years of practice, reflection, and self-witness were coming together in one clear, simple and practical sentence.

This quote provided the simplest reminder to the wisdom I have cultivated over the years.

If there’s one thing to take away from this article, try “make breath your first reaction” and see what happens.

This phrase has become a shorthand for me.

Phrases that bring to parenting, relationships, conversations, and education.

When your first words are breath…

Create a space. You reconnect with your part of you who knows who you want to be. You go back to your mind before habitual reactivity takes over.

Why is this important?

Our brains are wired for efficiency. Most of us live and act from a place of patterned responsiveness that neuroscience calls the default mode network. This is a brain autopilot created from years of conditioning and past experience. It’s like a mental autopilot. Fast, familiar and often defensive.

The brain does not distinguish from good or bad, from positive or negative, from happier or unhappier. We don’t filter out what’s kind, true or wise. It simply scans for something familiar and safe. It is designed for survival, not fulfillment.

And when we are triggered by stress, conflict, or fear, our nervous system kicks into combat or flight modes. In this state, we are ready to protect, defend, or escape. Our vision area is narrowing. Our breath is shorter. Our first words are often fast, defensive and sharp. Because we are not unkind, because we are not safe.

This is why we say things we regret.

That’s why we speak without considering it, even when we know it well.

That’s why we can feel our words are in sync with who we are.

But mindfulness interrupts that cycle.

It invites us to pause. Observe. Breathe.

And at that pause we go back to ourselves. We know we reconnect with our parts. And we can again choose.

This is because when we give pauses, check-in, and permission to bring more minds to our lives, we start to create something more meaningful.

We stop living in response.

We stop creating pain for ourselves and others.

And instead, we begin to go outwards and cultivate the inner peace that radiates into our relationships, our work, and our existence in the world.

Make this your invitation

“May my first words be breath.”

Not because you have to believe it, but because you can experience its benefits right away.

Next time, try it out the next difficult moment before replying to that message. Before you respond to your child’s cry. Before we can protect ourselves with discussion.

Pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Feel your body.

Breathe for 2 seconds. Hold for 2 seconds. Breathe for 2 seconds.

And ask yourself: what do my heart want to say here?

A life that becomes possible

Imagine a life where your words are true. Your voice comes from clarity, not chaos. Connect rather than where you speak, proof, touch or control.

A life where your presence calms the room, not because you have mastered perfection, not because you have learned to pause.

This is the life I live in now.

Not perfect, but intentionally.

When I stop playing and start pausing, it’s life. When I chose existence over reactivity. When you guide the mind instead of habit.

It’s available to all of us.

And it’s not from a plan, a list, or a major change. It starts with something easier.

breath.

If you are looking for one practice to change your life, a small shift that creates ripples in the way you speak, relationships, and how to live – this is this:

May your first words be your breath.