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“Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to replace it.” ~Beverly Engel
When the abuse ends, people think the pain ends too. But what no one tells you is that the loudest voice is no longer your abuser’s, but the voice that has settled within you.
It whispers:
“You’re broken.”
“You’re used to it.”
“You deserve nothing more.”
And over time, that voice becomes more than just a whisper. It becomes the rhythm of your thinking and the lens through which you see yourself.
That’s what I mean when I say trauma continues to speak.
living with echo
Months after the assault, I couldn’t put into words how I was feeling. All I knew was that every choice I made seemed to come from a damaged place.
I found myself in situations that felt eerily familiar, with people either taking advantage of me or letting go without question. I didn’t say “yes” because I wanted to. I said that because a voice inside me had already decided that I didn’t deserve anything better.
And to those watching from the outside, it may have seemed reckless. But inside, I was just tired. I was tired of fighting voices that seemed louder than me.
why do you get stuck
Trauma has this way of rewriting the script in our heads.
It convinces us that we are no longer the same people, that we are tainted beyond repair. And because we believe so, we continue to choose situations that prove that voice right.
We don’t want to keep hurting ourselves. It means that the parts of yourself that you know are worth more are buried under layers of pain and self-blame.
I remember thinking, “What’s the point in saying no?” I felt like I had lost the right to draw boundaries.
Looking back now, I see that’s not what I was talking about. It was traumatic, but I am still in control.
turning point
In my case, things didn’t change overnight. There was never a moment when I woke up and felt healed. But there was a moment when I didn’t want to give in to that voice.
I remember looking in the mirror and realizing, “If this continues, the abuse will forever win. Even without him.”
That realization didn’t put the trauma to rest, but it gave me a reason to fight back.
I started doing small, almost invisible things to get myself back together.
Even though my voice trembled, I said, “No.”
Choose one safe person to tell the truth to.
Give yourself permission to stop, or pause, before entering another cycle that hurts you.
Each of those choices seemed incredibly difficult at the time. But every time I stopped, every time I said “no,” the voice of trauma grew quieter.
Healing is a process, not a moment.
I thought healing meant waking up one day and not feeling anything.
I now know that healing is learning to speak louder than the trauma.
It means choosing to believe another story about yourself, over and over again.
If this is where you are, if your trauma is still speaking and you feel like you can’t silence it, here’s what I want you to know.
You can stop. You can pause it. You can turn around.
It’s for you, not anyone else. For your peace. your sanity. your healing.
Things to remember
I don’t mean to insult you by saying, “Stop it now.” This is not the case.
But I’m here to tell you that a moment when you stop and take stock of yourself can change everything.
It’s not easy. But it is possible. And it’s worth it.
There are better things to do than repeat the pain. You deserve more than what is done to you.
If you are reading this and your trauma is still speaking, please hear these words from someone who has lived through it.
That voice isn’t you. you are still here. And we are allowed to fight for stories where abuse does not win.
I may not have all the answers, but I do know the terrain of the road: where to stop, where to back up, where to slowly turn. And I want to work with you to make better choices, one choice at a time.
Because healing is not impossible. We just need to start speaking louder than the trauma.
About Ibukun Oluwaseun Adesina
Ibukun Oluwaseun Adesina is a trauma-informed social worker, coach, and soul writer who believes that healing takes many forms, from professional guidance to personal reflection and storytelling. She helps others find safety, courage, and self-worth after pain through her movement, Virginia Heals, and its youth initiative, SafeNest Teens. She is also the author of How to Heal When You Can’t Speak, a guide for silent survivors to learn to find their voice again. Connect with her on Facebook or email virginiaheals@gmail.com.
