What if growth is about elimination and you don’t add any more to your life?

“Maybe it’s not that much about what this journey will be. Maybe it’s about making everything that’s not really you exist. ~ Paulo Coelho

For years, whenever I felt sadness, anxiety, loneliness, or any of those “unwelcome” feelings, I jumped into action.

I look for new things like classes, languages, projects, degrees, etc. Once, I signed up for a language class over the course of a week, researched how I was certified for things I didn’t actually want to do, and I was convinced I needed to start training for 10k.

Because if you’re doing something productive, you don’t have to sit with what you felt. That was the pattern: unpleasant feelings → “more” a desperate pursuit of something.

I remained busy and became a master. If I was chasing something, I didn’t have to face the pain below it. But the relief was always temporary and the subsequent crashes were always the same.

Deep, I wasn’t looking for new skills. I was looking for a way to feel I was good enough.

I’ve heard someone say, “We can’t get enough of what we don’t need.” I felt it in my bones.

Looking back, you can see why. I spent much of my life trying to acquire my place. Not because everyone said I wasn’t good enough, but because I never felt it was really safe. Become it. I came up with how others felt in my world and how they needed them from me.

I have become really good at changing shape, staying useful, and maintaining peace. Eventually, it turned into perfectionism to prove myself, delighting people, and chronic motivation. I didn’t know how to feel safe without playing. So of course I continued to pursue “more.” It was never about achievement. It was about survival.

But no matter how much I achieved it, I was never satisfied. Or safe. Or enough.

It reminded me of something my nutritionist once said to me: eating more food will not solve the problem when your body is not absorbing nutrients properly. It could even make things worse. We must heal what is interfering with absorption. The same is emotionally true.

When we don’t feel grounded or whole, add more goals, more healing, more effort – not solving the problem. We have to see what is blocking us from receiving what we already have. You need to heal the system first.

We live in a culture that convinces us that growth is about accumulation.

More insight. More advice. More goals. Other tools. If you’re stuck, obviously you haven’t found the right “more” yet.

So we reach for books, podcasts, frameworks, plans, certifications, things to build ourselves into new people.

But here is what I’ve learned from my work for many years. Real growth doesn’t come from becoming a new person. It comes from letting go of anything that is no longer serving you so that you can make space for your version you are about to come out.

There is a quote attributed to Michelangelo, saying, “It was carved until he saw an angel in marble and gave him freedom.”

He believed that his sculpture was already complete in the stone. His job was simply to remove things that were not part of them.

When I heard that, I realized: it’s exactly how the actual transformation works. Not more than that, it’s not good, it’s not even a shinier. But… it doesn’t get in the way.

But when people feel stuck, they react by stacking up layers of effort, advice and activity until the things they are actually looking for (peace, clarity, peace, joy) is buried even deeper.

When we feel inadequate or incomplete, our instinct is to reach the outside looking for something to fill the space. But the real job is to turn inwards and become interested in the space that is trying to show us.

It may sound airy fairy, but the truth is identifying and transforming our parts carrying the old stories, not passive. It’s not just a change in mindset or a great idea of ​​a coffee mug. That’s work.

I’m learning how to sit in discomfort without quickly losing productivity.

We find ourselves asking our part about overfunctioning, over-apology, over-operation, and where they learned it. It explores beliefs we have carried for years, such as “I have to acquire my worth” and “If I stop trying, I will disappear.”

This is not about erasing who you were. It’s about celebrating the role you played in order to survive and choosing not to let them lead any more.

There’s no need to overhaul your personality or give up on your ambition. This task is to clean up the outdated and inconsistencies. Thinking, roles and actions that may have kept you safe are keeping you stuck.

Here’s what it looks like:

Let go of the belief that you must acquire love.
Dismantle the habit of saying “yes” so that you don’t disappoint others.
To set boundaries to release the fear that you will no longer be loved.
Recognizing that small but not humble, it is protection.

I used all of these tools myself. I started to notice when I was performing instead of connecting and fixing instead of feeling. I began hustling myself for approval and verification and asking: What happens if it stops? I practiced pause. I gave myself permission to rest, say no, to take up space. And slowly, I began to believe that I didn’t need to more That’s enough.

This kind of letting go is not instantaneous. You need recognition, compassion and support. You must choose to stop running and start listening.

Many of us fear letting go because we believe that we will be left with less identity, stability and value. But in my experience, the opposite is true.

Stop performance and start learning, revealing all versions of it than what you can build.

Under perfectionism? There is peace.

Are you thinking too much? There is clarity.

Are you afraid that there will be too many? There is boldness.

We are not short of it. We are hidden.

If this resonates with you, you want to do more and still feel stuck, here are some places:

Pauses performance. Be careful when you are trying to “fix” anything about yourself. Ask what you feel under the fixation.

Identify the beliefs you inherited. Have you been taught that you have to earn love? Is it convenient to be safe? Do you stay small to be accepted?
Be interested in your patterns. What role do you play in your work, relationships, and in your mind? Where did they start?
Create a space. That might mean working with a coach or therapist or putting your time aside to be with yourself without any distractions.
Please be kind. You are not broken. You have a pattern. Patterns cannot be learned.

Here’s what I want you to know: what’s on the other side of the removal process is not empty. That’s clear. peace. Energy. trust.

Someone who is trying hard to build? The person is already there and just waiting for you to free them.