As the new year begins, many of us make resolutions with good intentions. We want to be healthier, calmer, and more present. But the language we use to define our goals can silently shape how successful we are and how supported we feel along the way.
Psychologists distinguish between two types of goals: avoidance goals and approach goals.
Avoidance goals focus on habits you want to stop or prevent, such as not eating junk food, procrastinating, or staying up late. As is often the case, these goals tend to focus our attention on what is wrong. Over time, this can make them feel effortful, discouraged, or even self-critical.
Approach goals, on the other hand, represent the positive outcomes we want to aim for. Instead of avoiding negative behaviors, invite nourishing experiences.
Let’s consider the difference.
“I want to reduce screen time”
“I want to spend quality time with my friends every week.” “I need to stop eating junk food.”
“I want to nourish my body with seasonal ingredients.”
Health psychologist and TED speaker Kelly McGonigal encourages people to state their goals as something to strive for, not something to resist. When goals are set positively, they tend to feel more energizing and more in line with what’s actually important to us.
This reconfiguration also incorporates deeper emotional changes. Many resolutions carry an implicit belief that “fixes are needed.” The goal of the approach is to gently replace that story with another. I want to invite more people to support me.
That change alone can soften the way we relate to growth.
A quick review to try
If you’re setting goals for next year, try this short exercise.
Write down your one goal exactly as you’ve been thinking about it. Ask yourself. Is this structured around avoiding something, or is it inviting something? Rewrite the phrase as, “This year, I’d like to invite more…”
You don’t need to be perfect with your language. Even small changes can change how your intention feels in your body. In other words, from pressure to possibility.
When intentions are rooted in invitation rather than self-correction, there is often more room for curiosity, confidence, and sustainable momentum to develop. Growth doesn’t have to come from fixing problems. We can start by welcoming the things that help us thrive.
In The Flourishing Life by Holstee, we know that small changes in consciousness and intention can have a big impact on our daily happiness. We offer simple practices and insights to help you live more easily, connectedly, and meaningfully. Additionally, we provide a community of like-minded people to support you on your journey.
As a Greater Good Network reader, get $50 off with code GNN50 and join The Flourishing Life course and community this year.
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Amy Guidon is She is a community steward for Mr. Holstee’s “The Flouring Life” and is passionate about lifelong learning. Her career spans management consulting, brand strategy, and leadership development roles. Most recently, he founded and operates a mobile app aimed at rekindling connections through daily rituals of empathy. Throughout her work, Amy strives to foster a sense of unity and shared humanity.
