A new and terrifying era has begun in my online shopping life. Where any remaining self-control has been completely wiped out, there is an uneasy feeling that the person at the helm of the Good Ship Bouyalot (me) is actually deeply agitated. It’s a bit like the scene where Scar takes his place at Pride Rock (Lion King reference, follow-up). The sky darkens and we see hyenas circling and vultures swooping down. Because I discovered the Vinted app. It would definitely lead to my eventual death.
It’s probably not a financial issue. Because almost everything I see on Vinted seems (inexplicably) priced at £4 or £6, and I rarely actually buy anything, but the current If I continue to use the app at the rate (about 1/3), then by the time the calendar turns to 2025, I will almost certainly be malnourished, lose my job, and be completely estranged from my entire family. Probably.
Why have I never taken Vinted seriously before? Was it because I was aimlessly scrolling through the list – amateur! – Do you find yourself becoming increasingly discouraged as you watch one wrinkled and stained garment after another roll across the screen before your eyes? Here is Isabel so dirty that she looks like the Shroud of Turin maran dress. The Louboutin heels were found to be “missing the red sole and missing the buckle, but otherwise in very good condition.”
I’m not that kind of person and I don’t have the physical strength. But what I do have is a very sharp shopping focus when it comes to finding that “something” that is missing in my wardrobe. (The fact that I tend to find something missing at least every month is an inconvenience, but the job will definitely get done someday, right? The capsule edit is complete, perfect, and you have a suitable (and comfortable) outfit for every occasion. ?)
I might be chasing slouchy black leather boots, a tweed pencil skirt, a masculine blazer or a houndstooth coat. Once you imagine yourself wearing this outfit, you can’t get the mental image that follows from your mind. A houndstooth coat can also be worn with jeans and trainers, or thrown over a sequined dress. Me in Paris (when am I going to Paris?!) striding around the Marais wearing a beret and, you guessed it, a houndstooth coat. I was sitting outside a cool New York deli, my houndstooth coat draped artfully over one arm, drinking coffee from a cold coffee cup made from recycled coffee bean shells.
I don’t even drink coffee! I’ve never had coffee in my life!
(This is my problem with fashion and how I dress in general. I dress for a completely unrealistic and completely different life than the one I’m actually leading. All this takes a lot of time (This post sparked a lot of discussion, but this is exactly the root of my time-wasting fashion challenge).
Anyway, yes. Once the essential wardrobe additions settled in my mind and I discovered Vinted’s search filters that let me remove 90% of inappropriate items at once, I developed a razor-sharp shopping focus. I have it. I realized that a whole new world of fashion buying was opening up to me. No longer are you bound by the latest trends and “new releases” from online stores. If you want a houndstooth coat, the proverbial world is my favorite. You could even get your hands on an M&S number from last season (“I bought this and changed my mind”) or a Max Mara number from the 90s. The options were endless: pure wool, cashmere, belted, oversized.
This is why Vinted is so addictive. Your search for “pink pussy ribbon blouse” will show you 300 matching items, and you could waste half an hour just collating the best results with Google Lens. (Have you done this yet? When you click the camera icon in the Google search bar and upload a photo, Google Finds matching results. For example, it’s perfect if you have a dress you’ve seen but don’t know how to wear because it’s just hanging on a coat hanger. We’ll never know if it’s the style or the petite, proper sunglasses, so let’s take a look. Thanks to my friend and main enabler Sam Chapman for this special tip. I would like to, but I’m sure I’m pretty late to the party.)
And the pricing – this is what makes Vinted even more addictive. So while not everything is necessarily a bargain, the items I see are often a fraction of the purchase price new. I bought a pure wool jigsaw skirt in perfect condition for £4 (pictured above) and a Roberto Cavalli silk high neck blouse (don’t worry, I look like Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen). I got it for cheaper than the M&S jumper. I’m currently putting off buying a bunch of different silk shirts, wool coats, and cashmere belted coats.
Definitely in my element.
Of course, the downside to all this is that you can’t return anything. And if you sit between two sizes (I’m a UK10 and 12), second-guessing whether your trousers will fit can be draining in real time. Whatever you order, your knees will be so baggy that you’ll fall down forever, or your butt will be so tight that you’ll walk into hell.
i must go. I received 17 different email alerts from sellers offering me items for even less money (another drawback, I need to see if I can turn these notifications off). Bouclé skirts have been reduced from £12 to £10, and YSL dresses are now £15 less. It’s like the app has penetrated my mind. Sitting in a dark room, procrastinating on these new offers, scrolling through the item over and over, imagining yourself wearing it in all kinds of scenarios that could never, ever happen, worrying about nothing. About the fact that you have to buy it and cannot return it…
It’s time. Vinted beckons. And apparently I haven’t experienced the fun of Vestière yet. At first glance, it looks like the Harvey Nichols website just happened to have all the price zeros removed…
Will I make it out of here alive? TELL US IN THE COMMENTS: Are you a Vinted convert?The reason I’m so late to the party and you’re all shaking your head sadly at me is that I’m off to a cooler house party ahead. And this totally amazing guy is the DJ for the party that goes on until 4am. Is this your second year at Central Saint Martins? Please talk.
*Please forgive the styling of the photo. This is not how I would ideally wear my new pure wool jigsaw skirt (FOUR POUNDS), I was taking pictures of the roll neck top. This is actually a bodysuit. I’m trying it out to see if I can recommend it, but first I need to give it some time to get a feel for the tingling sensation in the gusset area.
