A good listener will focus not only on what you say, but on what is in your heart. Do you have the next qualities of a good listener?
When we are constantly sticking to what we are saying next, or how people interpreted what we already said, we forget that honing the qualities of a good listener is equally important to the conversation. This video from the London School of Life reminds us of how good listeners can quietly inspire rather than endlessly nagging.
Four good listener qualities
1) A good listener asks: “What is your heart?”
When we are about to make tough decisions, good listeners use gentle encouragement to help us tease what is at the heart of our anxiety.
It’s not always easy to know what bothers us. A gentle and constructive push with good questions can help you explore what is in our minds and clarify what is causing our troubles.
2) Good listeners surpass anecdotes
It’s hard to find where our feelings came from, but it’s easy to simply mention something is lovely, awful, lovely, or annoying.
A good listener will help us to clarify that.
They will look for a larger picture by taking in your fragmented thoughts and complaints, linking them to your wider history, and turning them into solid ideas by bringing anecdotes to the underlying issues.
3) Good listeners are keenly aware of how unique we are all
A good listener allows us to become vulnerable. They do not encourage us to open up and immediately reject us for our folly.
Instead, their skilled and handy little feedback can facilitate moments of tension in dialogue. For example, a small, positive strategic sound like “mmmmmm…” delicately shows sympathy without invading what we are trying to say.
A good listener allows us to become vulnerable. They do not encourage us to open up and immediately reject us for our folly.
Without judgment and criticism, we can feel free and safe to express our feelings without worrying about losing dignity or losing friendship.
4) Good listeners separate differences from criticism
Friends with good listener qualities are willing to build a safe environment for you and help you become yourself. If you have a disagreement with them, then you don’t need to be afraid to lose them. They make it clear that their company does not depend on unattainable perfection.
