The lesson I have to continue to learn in this life is that even though life throws things at me that cause me frustration and anxiety, I am the creator of my own joy.
This past year has given me one tower card after another. A breakup, a move to a new state where no one knows anyone but my parents, ongoing tax issues, the death of my grandmother, health concerns, and my constant companions – chronic back pain. Pain and lack of brain clarity.
Sadness, confusion, anxiety, loneliness. I haven’t had much air space this year, and I’ve been feeling that for a long time.
Keep waiting for everything to melt. Please write me into a new chapter in the big wide universe, make me feel fully human, and give me what I (and everyone else) know I deserve. Please bring me the joy of being with you.
However, just when he thought he could finally rest, a new problem arose. What karmic debt do I have to repay in this lifetime? Am I being punished in some way? Or am I just a person experiencing many things at once?
The problem is that if you sit around waiting for the moment when your life finally feels perfect, you’ll always miss out on opportunities to experience joy, laughter, connection, and joy.
On the days when I think, “Once this chapter of my life is over, I’ll finally be happy,” I know I should instead look for small ways to experience joy.
And instead of waiting for someone else to give it to you, you have to provide it yourself. The more you wait for others to serve you your dreams on a silver platter, the longer you deny your dreams.
And what is joy? What is happiness?
Start with the smallest thing.
Think about what foods, music, activities, movies, places, scents, and colors attract you.
Ask what makes you feel good.
Then think about whether you can experience those things today.
My characteristic is tenacity. When difficulties come my way, I am willing to fight, even if it is in a peaceful way. Sometimes I hate how isolating the human experience is, but I still want to experience it.
That’s why I have to find as much joy as I can, whenever I can. Because I don’t want my days, my personality, my life to be characterized by wishing things were different.
The lesson I have to keep learning is that I can’t wait until my life is perfect, until I feel worthy of experiencing joy.
Instead, I have to show up and keep creating that joy for myself.
