“The first step to change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” ~Nathaniel Branden
I felt a sense of loss. I felt broken. I felt scared.
As I sat alone in my cold, dark cell, I felt like I had hit rock bottom.
My feet felt cold on the cold stone floor. A creaky wooden bench made of thin strips sewn together bothered me.
The prisoners screamed around me. Their voices echoed in the darkness. It felt like the noise from the outside world had finally caught up with the noise inside my head. I just wanted to scream.
I was 16 years old and felt as if my life had already ended. Embarrassment and regret filled my heart and I wondered, “Is this really the right thing to do?” Is this the path my life has taken? Who am I becoming?
For the first time I faced the truth. It meant that I was becoming the person I despised the most: a father obsessed with addiction and destruction.
My father’s absence was a constant presence in my life. The only time he was around was when I was getting off the bender and trying to get clean. However, I usually drank alcohol at home.
I hated him. I hated that man so much because he caused pain to my mother. She is the kindest woman I have ever known in my life. She is the person in my life who taught me about true strength and resilience. She is one of the reasons I know single mothers to be some of the boldest and most powerful people.
Despite all the anger and hatred I had towards him, I was walking the same path and making the same choices.
I started drinking and smoking marijuana at the age of 13, and shortly thereafter began selling drugs, eventually getting caught in possession of various drugs, large amounts of cash, and scales.
I was spoiled just like my father. In fact, I was doing the exact same thing that made me hate him and was causing my poor mother a lot of pain.
The weight of that realization was overwhelming. I felt like I was drowning in the consequences of my actions and choices.
I thought of my mother, a single woman. She did everything in her power to raise us. She has sacrificed a lot for me and my brother. And I, her middle child, sat in a prison cell while the police destroyed our house because they thought I was running a large-scale drug deal. I was expelled from not only my school, but my entire school district.
I imagined her at home, staring at the broken windows and broken doors in hurt and disbelief. The embarrassment washed over me. I wanted to be the man who would make her proud, the man who would help her, instead of putting another burden on her shoulders. I had let her down. I was letting myself down.
And at that moment, I realized that I couldn’t live like this. Something needed to change.
The moment that changed everything
I asked myself in that cold, uncomfortable cell. “Who am I becoming?” Is this the man I want to be? Is this my future? I was suffocating with fear, shame, and regret. I didn’t have the tools or mentors to help me get through them. But even in the darkness, something clicked.
This was my wake-up call. I was at rock bottom. I had two options. You can continue down this path of self-destruction, or you can take control of your life. It’s now or never.
When I left home, I decided to change. I did everything I had to do. I have completed my community service work. I participated in a nature-rich program. They rounded up troubled boys and had them camp on the island for a month. I followed all the rules.
It was one of the first places I learned to face my fears. Because one afternoon we were climbing a mountain, and it was a steep mountain.
I was (and still am) afraid of heights, but I forgot to mention that to them earlier in the day or at the start of the program. To be honest, I can’t remember exactly.
That day, I looked up at the mountain I was told to climb and decided to overcome my fear. So I climbed it. I was breaking down my barriers and overcoming my limiting beliefs. One instructor said something that I can’t remember what any teacher or colleague said to me at the time.
“Eddie, look at you conquering your fear. I’m so proud of you.”
To tell you the truth, I had forgotten about it until now. As I was writing this blog, tears came to my eyes.
None of it was easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It took away everything I had. I had to change my habits, confront my limiting beliefs, and distance myself from people who tried to put me down.
In fact, one of the hardest things at the time was that my “friends” abandoned me. When I went outside, none of them came to my side. None of them contacted me. I still haven’t heard from them.
But it was the only way forward.
Lessons in self-awareness and reflection
Looking back, I see that the moment in prison was a turning point in my life. It was the hardest, most painful experience I’ve ever had. But it opened my eyes to the power of self-awareness and self-reflection.
Self-awareness doesn’t mean admitting your mistakes. It’s about knowing your core self. It’s about finding patterns in your life that are holding you back. Then you have to choose to break those patterns.
Through self-awareness, I realized that I had the power to change the course of my life. That’s what I want to share with you.
How self-awareness can change your life
1. Create space for reflection.
You don’t have to hit rock bottom to start reflecting on your life. Take some quiet time during your day. It can be 5 minutes in the morning or 10 minutes before bed. Ask yourself, “Where am I going?”
Journaling is the perfect tool for this. By doing this, you will be able to get your thoughts out of your head and look at them objectively. Journaling has saved my entire life.
When I lost one of my best friends to pancreatic cancer, I went backpacking and wrote in a journal.
When I decided to make a big decision and take a risk career-wise, it was through journaling.
When I had to make a decision or process pain in a relationship, I would journal.
If journaling seems overwhelming at first, start by asking one question: “What do I need to let go of today?” I ask myself this question every morning. Don’t overthink it, just write down the first thing that comes to your mind.
2. Face the truth, even if it hurts.
Real change starts with honesty. Be brutally honest with yourself. Look at your life – your habits, choices, relationships – and ask yourself, “Is this serving me?” This level of honesty is uncomfortable, but it’s the first step to growth. The biggest leaps in growth come from stepping out of your comfort zone.
3. Start small, but stay consistent.
You don’t have to make major changes overnight. Instead, focus on making small, meaningful changes in your daily life. Whether it’s improving one habit or letting go of a toxic relationship, these small steps create lasting change over time.
I learned this from my mentor and James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. For most of us, starting small seems pointless. This change should happen in one big, sweeping swipe. But that’s not how we work as humans. Such changes return us to our original state.
My mentor told me that if you move just one millimeter to the left or right while driving, it will initially seem like you’re in the same place. But what will happen in a week, month, or year? You will be in a completely different place in life than if you had gone straight.
4. Reframe hardships as opportunities.
I learned a big lesson. Failures and mistakes are our greatest opportunities for growth.
When faced with challenges, ask yourself, “What is this teaching me?” Reframe failure as a lesson and use it to become stronger.
Many people believe that the pain and failures they have experienced in the past are what is holding them back, when in reality it is from their perspective.
These moments in our lives are actually our breakthrough moments. The moment when something that was once a must, or after some time becomes a must.
Almost every breakthrough or moment of great growth in our lives comes from these failures, obstacles, or challenges. You can use whatever words you want. In my case, it had a big impact.
—
That cold, dark cell was the lowest point of my life. But it was also the moment that saved me. Through self-awareness and reflection, I was able to take control of my life and change my future.
For me, the journey started small. It was about taking responsibility for my actions, cutting ties with people who held me back, and focusing on one habit at a time. It didn’t change overnight, and I stumbled many times along the way. But each step, no matter how small, brought me closer to who I wanted to be.
You don’t need to have all the answers right away. Let’s take the first step.
Cherish the moments of silence. They may come peacefully, or they may come in struggle. Use them to reflect on your life.
Don’t wait until you’ve hit rock bottom to ask difficult questions. Take some time to reflect on who you are, where you’re going, and what changes you can make to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.
next step
If you are struggling with your current situation, please take a moment today to stop and think. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” How can we grow this? ” Embrace the power of self-awareness and take small, meaningful steps towards a better future.
Take it from someone who’s been there. Small steps lead to big changes.
So grab a pen and paper, reflect, reframe, and start moving that millimeter in a different direction. You’ll be surprised how much your life will change.
About Eddie Green
Eddie Green is a mindset coach who helps young adults overcome limiting beliefs and rewrite their life stories through self-awareness, resilience, and personal growth. Passionate about helping others overcome life’s challenges, Eddie uses his experience to help individuals reach their full potential. In his free time, he also loves watching anime and spending quality time with his niece and two nephews. You can read more of his personal development content and access valuable resources at sagecoaching/blog.
