“You can rewrite the story. You have to pick up the pen.” ~Unknown
I remember the exact moment when I began to disappear.
It was my wedding day. Just before I walked down the aisle, my mother gently reached out to my hand and said, “Your hands are frozen!”
She was right. I’m as cold as ice.
I laughed at first. After all, it was February in Connecticut. Cold hands make sense, right? But nothing added that day.
We were in the middle of an unusual Indian summer. The air was warm and the sun was soft and golden. People sipped champagne outside without a jacket.
Still, I was frozen. It’s not just my hands – me.
What I didn’t know at the time was that this wasn’t about nerves. It wasn’t about cold weather or concerns about wedding day. It was my body turning the alarm. A deep internal signal that something was wrong.
Under the lace and lipstick, there were whispers behind the practiced smiles and crowd applause.
“Don’t do this.”
But how can I hear that voice?
The guests were sitting. The music has begun. My fiancé stood at the edge of the aisle with hope in his eyes. My parents were planning their dream wedding for me, and all day it unfolded like the last few pages of a fairy tale.
How can I pause everything… whisper?
So I smiled. I walked. And at every step I hid another part of myself.
At the time I didn’t understand that. But at that moment I slowly began to erase the quiet process. Not everything at once. I’ll deceive. Smile with a smile. Year by year.
On paper, everything looked beautiful. Photo – Perfect, even numbers. A supportive husband. A charming house. Life was approved of a nod at dinner party. But inside? I felt like a ghost in a woman’s costume that was supposed to be happy.
And perhaps the most painful part was this: I couldn’t point my finger at anyone.
My husband was not a villain. He was kind and supportive.
My family didn’t push me down the aisle. They loved me deeply.
No one was responsible. My version, which I believed to be loved, means it’s comfortable, comfortable and convenient.
I have built my life around something that made me proud of others. I was excellent at being a daughter, wife, put to to to to toe woman.
But I didn’t know what to do… me.
Maybe you felt this too.
Maybe you’ve noticed that you live a life you can see from the outside, but you’re quietly wondering the inside, is this really that?
Paying bills but dulling your spirit. The rehearsed routine feels like an unbreakable loop. It’s functional, but not fulfilling. Check every box of your own version – it still feels like you’re missing something essential.
That’s where I found myself. And tell me, it’s disorientation. Because when you don’t remember where you left off the course, how do you start over?
For me, it started with paying attention to the whispers. Something that was ignored from the altar. It didn’t scream. He didn’t plead. It simply waited. Until one day, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
I began to solve the layers I built around me: expectations, perfectionism, and layers that please people.
I started asking the difficult question:
Who am I when I’m not playing for someone else’s approval? What do I actually want? What part of my life was chosen by habits and fear rather than by intention?
And that’s when everything starts to change.
I realized that being “stuck” is not a personal mistake. It wasn’t a character flaw. It was a natural result of abandoning my truth for too long.
The world will gladly provide you with scripts when you spend your life adjusting your inner voice.
I’m going to school. Get a job. Marry that person. smile. Please say thank you. Thank you very much. Do not rock the boat. Don’t ask too many questions. In particular, it doesn’t start if there is…
But here it is: Does it whisper in you? It won’t disappear. I’ll be waiting. Be patient. Be kind.
It manifests itself as restlessness. As burnout. As a Sunday night terror. When you realize that your calendar is full, you will feel strange pain in your chest, but your soul will feel empty. And ultimately, that’s too big to ignore.
If you are reading this and thinking, it is me, I want you to know this:
You are not broken. You are not behind. You are awake. Wake up is a hassle. It means saddening the life you wanted.
That means being honest about what’s not working.
It means putting disappointment and disapproval at risk so that you can live collaboratively.
It means trading with “perfect” for peace.
And that’s not always easy. But it’s worth it.
You don’t have to disappear to be loved. You don’t need to shrink to fit. You don’t have to betray yourself to belong. You just need to listen.
Start small. Ask yourself: Where do you keep your voice quiet in order to maintain peace?
Next, ask: What would it be like to celebrate that voice just a little bit today?
Maybe it says no to you grown up. Maybe it’s signing up for that class you’ve secretly dreamed of. Maybe it’s sitting quietly for five minutes, asking your inner voice, what do you need from me now?
You don’t need to burn it all to start again. You just have to start with willingness.
Is the truth… because the life is calling you? We don’t wait for the “perfect” moment. It’s waiting for you.
About Daniel Dam
Daniel Dam is Life and Leadership Coach, Speaker and Founder of Coach Dam LLC. Through her signature programme from the invisible to the unforgettable (U2U), she ends up a life of ambitious yet overwhelming as she ceases to live in an autopilot and actually feels as good as she looks. After years of chasing external validation, Daniel is now able to help others reconnect with the truth, rewrite old patterns, and build a life rooted in purpose, existence, and personal power. Find out more or connect with her on CoachDam.com or on Instagram @danielle_coachdam.
