When I started drafting this post back in March, planning a move to another state was pretty much occupying my mind.
There was a lot of paperwork to take care of: closing and opening bank accounts, finding health insurance, getting a new driver’s license, etc.
I know there are many more stressful problems out there, but I just wanted these to be over quickly so I could start feeling “normal” again.
Now that all of that is over (as of September) it’s all just a blip in my memory.
Closing my bank accounts and getting my driver’s license were easy. I knew I would be stressed out this time because I had been stressed out the last time I did so.
Now that it’s all over, I’m in silence, there’s nothing to “figure out”, it feels good to breathe for a while, but then I start to wonder why everything is so quiet.
What should I do next? Can’t I just hang on for a little while?
Here are some thoughts I’ve had about life’s ups and downs, and how confronting stressful experiences can help us become more resilient.
The ups and downs of life
Humans often look forward to the next big exciting thing to happen, be it a vacation, romance, or an event.
Or maybe we are hoping for a less stressful period in our lives.
When life is too busy, we wish it would just pass by. But when things slow down, we want to do more exciting things.
The area in between is an uneasy place.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m not stressed or busy, I start to question the meaning of life. It’s as if dealing with the chaos gives my brain something to focus on, but I can’t fully focus because I want the chaos to end.
It’s a never-ending cycle.
People on TikTok will want to psychoanalyze this as a reaction to something that happened in my childhood, but I know I’m not the only one who’s bothered by this.
You too may feel like your life has been a series of major ups and downs, and you may find it really hard to deal with the in-between events of life.
The question is, how can we embrace the ups and downs of life and recognise that it is normal human nature to encounter ups and downs?
Dealing with stressful times
I’ve spent most of my life waiting for periods of stress to end and for things to go back to “normal,” naively thinking that if I tried hard enough, I could live a stress-free life.
I thought there must be a way to stop small things from affecting me so much because other people seemed unfazed by the same things. They dominated my thoughts and I felt like I couldn’t enjoy life until the stressful period was over.
I thought if I had the perfect routine, if I stuck to my habits perfectly, the stress would just go away. If I meditated enough or journaled enough, maybe I would be able to prevent myself from becoming overwhelmed. I would be strong enough to push through it.
Although these are helpful practices, they won’t prevent stressful situations from occurring — something else will always come along and put you back in trouble again.
So I think we should let go of the idea that one day life will be stress-free, or that if we fight hard enough, we’ll be strong enough to not get caught up in stressful situations and derail from our goals.
Resilience isn’t about how strong you are physically or mentally, but how well you adjust and adapt after difficult experiences.
If you are going through stressful times, you need to try to find ways to get through them and enjoy life in spite of them.
That’s why practices like journaling or meditation are helpful: they give you time to face problems and tackle them head-on, rather than preventing them.
“There will always be problems. Learn how to enjoy life while solving them.” – Craig Carlson
Dealing with restlessness
It may be in our best interest to let go of the idea that life has to be fun and exciting all the time.
It’s painful to see people living their “best life” on social media, but they may be faking it to get more views or chasing heights they’ll never reach. Unless people are honest and open about it, you’ll never know the truth behind it.
So when life is quiet, can you just settle in and enjoy it without trying to make something else happen? Can you find a way to enjoy life either way?
As with any stressful time, the real challenge is to embrace the lull not as something to escape from, but as an opportunity to practice mindfulness and gratitude.
Author Caroline Myss says that while we’re used to expressing gratitude when things go well, “we’re not in the habit of getting up and giving thanks for the gift of life itself.”
This is a good reminder to express gratitude not just for the moments when something “good” happens, but for the moments when we simply exist.
Make the most of your in-between time
To embrace life’s ups and downs, you need to find a way to be present in both.
When we try to force things to happen, by trying to rush things and get them done or striving for new heights, we miss out on the true experience of being alive.
During stressful times in your life, instead of saying, “Oh, I’ll do it all when I’m not stressed,” take a moment to write down what’s going on, bake your favorite cookies, talk with a friend, or read a cheesy romance novel.
As your life settles down, do the same thing. Continue to choose little ways to enjoy your time.
You can’t control the outcome of anything, but you can at least find some enjoyment in the process.
And remember that very little in life is permanent, and what you are experiencing will not last forever.
“Instead of waiting for the next thing to keep you busy, why not make the ebb and flow of your life worthwhile? Treat it as a mindful opportunity to learn something new, connect with a long-lost friend or relative, take up a hobby or a project you’ve been putting off, or just enjoy some solitude and check in with yourself.” – Amaan Akhtar
How do you deal with life’s ups and downs?
There are always ups and downs in life. Being in the middle of difficult experiences will help you become a more resilient person than simply avoiding those experiences altogether. There’s no need to rush anything.
