“In the middle of winter, I finally realized that I had an invincible summer within me.” ~Albert Camus
Sometimes life throws us curveballs when we least expect it.
For years, I lived my life with its usual ups and downs until I was blindsided by a diagnosis of psoriatic arthritis that would change the way I lived forever. It is one of the diseases that is difficult for most people to understand because it does not appear visually. I looked fine, but inside I felt like my body was on fire. The pain was constant, made worse by the unwelcome guests refusing to leave and the invisibility of everything.
I woke up every morning prepared for the pain that greeted me like a familiar enemy. Simple tasks like getting out of bed or opening a bottle became monumental feats. My energy levels were erratic. There were days when I could barely get through the afternoon without lying down. It was as if my body had declared war on itself and I was caught in a crossfire.
burden of silence
One of the most difficult things about living with an invisible illness is the loneliness that comes with it. People around you don’t know what you’re going through. They see you smiling and trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy and assume you’re okay. But inside, a storm is raging.
I didn’t want to be seen as weak or someone who only complained, so I put on a strong face. I pushed through the pain, ignored my body’s pleas for rest, and pretended everything was fine.
But the truth is, I was struggling. I felt like I was on a sinking ship desperately trying to pump out water with a teacup. The pain and fatigue did not subside, and the mental burden was even greater. I withdrew from social activities, avoided conversations, and gradually found myself withdrawing into myself. The vibrant and energetic person I once was seemed like a distant memory.
Tipping point: embracing vulnerability
One day I reached a breaking point. The pain was so intense that my whole body felt like it was on fire and I could no longer maintain my surface strength. I realized that I can’t do anything alone anymore. I needed help. So I decided to confide in my family and friends about what I was going through. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s about admitting that I was struggling and needed support.
To my surprise, my weakness was met with sympathy and understanding. Sharing my pain did not make me weak. It made me stronger. It allowed me to let go of the burdens I was carrying and made room for love and support to enter my life. My loved ones have rallied around me in practical ways, such as preparing meals, helping with household chores, or simply being there and listening when I need to vent. Helped me.
find a new normal
With the support of those around me, I began to overcome my new reality. I learned to listen to my body and respect its needs. I started practicing meditation and mindfulness. It helped me feel peace in the midst of chaos.
I realized that even though I can’t control my illness, I can control how I react to it. I shifted my focus from what I had lost to what I still had: a loving family, the ability to write, and a deep desire to help others.
I also started exploring alternative therapies. Meditation became a daily habit and I was able to find a quiet place within myself that was free from pain. On days when the pain was unbearable, I meditated, focusing on my breathing, letting go of tension in my body, and imagining myself surrounded by healing light. This practice didn’t make the pain go away, but it gave me the strength to endure it.
Lesson learned: finding light in the darkness
1. Embrace your weaknesses.
Opening up about my struggles was a turning point for me. It’s okay to ask for help. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak. It makes you human. Allowing others to see your pain allows you to build deep and meaningful connections.
2. Listen to your body.
For years, I pushed through the pain and fatigue by ignoring my body’s cries for help. Since then, I’ve learned the importance of listening to my body and respecting its needs. Rest when you need to. Take a break. It’s not about being lazy. It’s about being kind to yourself.
3. Find your anchor.
Life with a chronic illness is unpredictable. Whether it’s a hobby, a spiritual practice, or a passion, having something to hold onto gives you a sense of stability. Writing has always been my anchor and way of processing the world around me. Finding what brings you joy and peace can be a lifeline during difficult times.
4. Focus on what you can control.
Living with an invisible illness can make you feel helpless. I learned to focus on the things I can control: my attitude, my response to pain, and how I treat myself. Focusing on what I can control has helped me feel empowered.
5. Be kind to yourself.
Living with a chronic illness is difficult. There will be days when you think you can’t do it anymore. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself on those days. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would give to a friend. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.
Move forward with grace and resilience
Living with psoriatic arthritis has taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible. It taught me resilience, perseverance, and the power of vulnerability. It has shown me that I am stronger than I ever thought. The pain is still there, but I have found a way to live with it and find moments of joy and peace amidst the struggle.
To those who read this and are battling their own invisible illnesses, please know that you are not alone. There is light in the darkness, even if it is hard to see. Please stay hopeful. Please ask for support. And remember that you are stronger than you think.
About Charvel John Baptiste
Charvel John-Baptiste promotes a holistic approach to well-being that incorporates physical health, emotional resilience, and spiritual depth. She provides practical tools and insights to help readers live more fulfilling and mindful lives. Despite the challenges of learning in a conventional environment while living with autism, Charbel earned a degree in business administration. She has extensive experience in writing, teaching, and creating digital content that supports personal growth and spiritual development. For more information, please visit Belle of the Light Books.
