“I’ve learned that the person I have to forgive the most is myself. You have to love yourself. You have to forgive yourself every day. Every time you remember a fault or a flaw, I have to tell myself, “That’s okay.” You have to forgive yourself a lot until you can’t even see those things anymore. Because that’s what love is. ”~C. Joybell C.
Have you ever wondered why, despite your best efforts to heal and grow, you can’t shake the feeling of inadequacy and receive minimal results for your efforts? mosquito?
Maybe, like me, you don’t realize that you live with a very subtle but constant feeling of guilt.
I first learned about this chronic guilt when I learned about self-awareness. At the beginning of my healing journey, I knew that in order to change something, I first had to realize it was there.
While this sounds good in theory and may work from a logical perspective, it is often not the case when you are in the arena and experiencing the incompleteness of the healing process. there is.
In his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, Joe Dispenza explains how our bodies become addicted to certain chemicals that are released based on the thoughts we think and the emotions we feel. is explained.
If you’re used to feeling guilty, your mind will unconsciously seek out guilt in everything you do, and your body will be affected by it.
Returning to the topic of self-awareness, let me ask you the following question.
When you see a pattern you want to change or a harmful habit you want to cure, like a people-pleasing habit, what do you do? Do you seek understanding and compassion, or do you feel like you “should” behave differently and self-pity? Do you judge?
that’s right.
It’s as if we think that if we’re hard enough on ourselves, we’ll do better next time, we’ll pick ourselves up and do it “right.” In the process, we crush our souls, unconsciously sabotage our healing, and feel smaller every day.
As I delved deeper into my guilt, the things I had judged myself for sometimes surprised me. I judged myself by the way I felt, and when I observed it, I judged myself by judging myself by the way I felt. Or we may use guilt to subconsciously justify our beliefs that we are not good enough.
Even when I made healthy decisions, like distancing myself from people who weren’t good for me, I would bail on myself and criticize myself for staying put and not trying harder. There was always a reason to feel guilty.
It took me a long time to discover these patterns, and I’m still finding them today. This was and still is part of my monologue, although not as often as it used to be. But as I took a more loving approach to my guilt, I realized that only a healthy dose of love, compassion, and understanding could heal me.
The presence of chronic guilt is so subtle that we may find it difficult to spot it. If feeling guilty and criticizing ourselves is our way of life, we might think, That’s normal. ”
But that’s not the case. We are not meant to swim in inadequate or inadequate waters. If you find yourself thinking, “But what if I let go of the guilt and relaxed, what if I no longer have the desire to do more, heal more, grow more?”
Guilt may seem like the fuel that propels us forward, but in my experience, it hinders our healing. It robs you of your sense of being alive, your motivation, your inspiration, your courage. It deflates us and causes anxiety and self-doubt.
I remember when I started having digestive issues right after my marriage ended and I started the divorce process. The hardest thing for me to overcome was the anger and guilt I felt for what I had forgiven (though I didn’t realize it at the time). All I knew was that I was angry. Of course, this made my digestive problems even worse.
During this time, I began to learn more about the connection between my gut and my mental and emotional health, and how anxiety, sadness, and stress affect my physical health.
One day, while talking on the phone with a friend, I broke down in tears, realizing that I was responsible for how my body felt.
After I calmed down, she said, “Maybe it’s time to forgive myself,” and we sat in silence for a while.
Her words immediately resonated with me and I knew I had to get back to the basics of healing, which was often centered around forgiving myself. Since then, I have approached digestive inflammation and healing with an attitude of forgiveness. This allowed me to relax in the moment and see the entire situation with more love and understanding for myself.
I realized that living with an attitude of forgiveness is a mindset, not a one-time event. From what I understand about this sacred and soulful practice, these are the four steps I always follow.
1. Be curious.
When you observe behavior that you don’t like about yourself or experience what I call a healing relapse (a period of acting in old, unhealthy ways), instead of immediately passing judgment, be curious. Let’s have it.
Healing relapse is real and it happens to all of us. It’s going to be one step forward and two steps back. In the end, it’s just two steps forward and one step back. At some point, you may go back to your old ways. If you say yes when you want to say no and don’t enforce your boundaries, you’ll feel resentful. Are you okay. Give yourself permission to be imperfect.
Here are some simple affirmations I use to remind myself to live a judgment-free life: I’m rather curious. It’s okay to make mistakes during treatment. ”
2. Ask yourself challenging but healing questions.
Once you notice the feeling of judgment or guilt and feel curious rather than resentful or judgmental, turn inward and seek understanding. Explore the deeper aspects of your self-talk and see where you are still choosing guilt over kindness and compassion.
Three common questions I ask myself are:
“How can I better understand the parts of myself that I want to judge?”
“If forgiveness is hard to come by, what kinds of hurt and pain do we need to be more aware of in order to open ourselves to healing?”
“How can I view this moment of judgment as an opportunity for growth? What can I learn from it?”
3. Use meditation as a self-forgiveness tool.
Meditation has been the number one tool for healing my wounds. I’ve used this for self-forgiveness, inner child, self-love, etc.
A few years ago, I was attending a weekly coaching group. We worked on a different theme each month, and that month’s theme was “Forgiveness.” The person leading the group invited us to meditate with him. I got comfortable in my seat and closed my eyes. We began with a series of breathing exercises to ground and relax. Then he asked us to repeat after him. The first thing he said was, “I forgive myself.”
The moment I uttered these words in my heart, I felt an incredible sense of relief and burst into tears. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. This was my first practice of self-forgiveness and I realized how much guilt and judgment I was constantly carrying with me.
Since then, self-forgiveness meditation has become one of my favorite tools for overcoming guilt.
4. Heal negative self-talk with self-compassion.
As I said earlier, living with an attitude of forgiveness is a way of life, not a one-time event.
At first, you may find yourself going back and forth between judgment and understanding. This is part of the process, so don’t get discouraged. Instead, stop when you find yourself criticizing yourself. You can also say to yourself “Pause” either mentally or out loud. This interrupts the judgmental thought pattern that is being made.
Next, tune into your negative self-talk and don’t resent it. You can use this thoughtful word. “I know you,” referring to your heart, “I’m here to protect you by offering thoughts that are familiar, familiar, and comforting.” But I has decided to approach himself differently from now on. I choose to be kind to myself because I am a human being who deserves compassion and forgiveness. ”
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Healing from guilt is not a quick fix, but rather a process of changing the core of your relationship with yourself.
Be patient as you go through this journey, and when you find yourself slipping back into your old ways, take a deep breath and say it from the bottom of your heart. “I deserve to live an innocent life, and this time I choose forgiveness.”
About Silvia Turonova
Sylvia Turonova is a women’s mindset coach who guides women toward emotional healing while empowering them to live lives of wholeness, balance, and inner resilience. She loves blogging and serving women through blogging. You can learn more about working with her and her one-on-one coaching program, COACH Intensive, here. You can also get a free self-coaching worksheet here.
