“Crying is not a sign of weakness, but a courageous expression of emotion that leads to strength.” ~Unknown
When was the last time you cried? Tears are often seen as a sign of weakness, but for me, tears are a powerful guide that helps me recognize and understand my emotions. In a society that often suppresses emotions, I would like to share my journey with tears and invite you to reflect on your own experiences.
Changing relationship with tears
Sometimes I like to cry. When I was a student, I rarely cried when sober, and I was proud of it. I suppressed my tears in the middle of the night, thinking they were due to alcohol.
The cause of my sadness was a stressful on-off situation with a man who drained me emotionally. This relationship had constant ups and downs and I didn’t know how to cope. Instead of allowing my emotions, I often ignored them and hid them behind my studies and social life. Looking back, I realize that this suppression was more harmful than beneficial in the long run.
Tolerating Emotions
Now I cry much more often, and usually calmer. I’ve been crying for weeks now and wondering how other people deal with tears. Do you have a strange relationship with them? I’m surprised that a few years ago I was ashamed of them, and that I still feel that way sometimes. But these past few months I’ve realized how powerful tears are, and how they help me recognize and control my emotions.
Tears are not just a sign of sadness or pain. They are an important part of our emotional lives and help us cope with difficult situations. Today, I see tears as a valuable tool to better understand and heal ourselves.
Societal expectations and pressures
In today’s fast-paced society, it’s often difficult to recognize one’s true feelings. For example, when you’re angry or sad at work, in a stressful work environment, it seems easier to bottle up these emotions than to burst into tears in front of your colleagues or superiors. After all, no one wants to be labeled as hysterical or not taken seriously. Is she unable to control her emotions? Get a grip!
And of course, it’s not just your image that’s damaged: many colleagues and superiors won’t know how to handle the tears and will feel completely overwhelmed. What will they do? An awkward pat on the shoulder or a “it’s okay” while looking at the clock and wondering how long this emotional interlude will last. Can you just let the person cry?
I know this article may sound a bit harsh, but my thought was that we should stop shedding tears as adults, but who says we have to function perfectly all the time?
Suppressing emotions is harmful in the long term. It can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. People who constantly suppress their emotions may also develop physical symptoms such as headaches, upset stomach, and trouble sleeping. Ignoring your emotional needs can severely damage your mental health and overall well-being over time.
Other people’s experiences
Out of curiosity, over the past few months I have asked various people, “When was the last time you cried?” Here are the answers I’ve received:
15 years ago. Can’t remember. Last month. Yesterday. Last week. This morning.
The first three responses were from men and the last three were from women, supporting a long-standing research claim that women cry more than men.
According to a study by Vingerhoets and Scheirs, women cry on average five times more often than men. It is interesting to speculate that the strong association of tears with femininity might be the reason why women are perceived as weaker and more negative. Typical patriarchy: anything associated with femininity and emotions is initially seen as weak and less desirable. This may seem like a bold claim, but bear with us. Sometimes you just have to speak up.
I still feel frustrated and angry that I held back my tears for so long and didn’t take them seriously. Tears have an important place in our emotional lives, and it’s time to acknowledge that.
Tears are a sign and a guide
Today, my tears are showing me the way. When I feel like crying for no reason, I have learned to stop and think. I have realized that there is always something behind the tears, and that they do not flow for no reason.
I wish I’d known that as a young student, because the man who made me cry then ended up cheating on me and causing me even more heartache. This experience taught me two important lessons: no more on-off relationships, and to be more honest about my feelings.
Recognizing the need for action
In situations that I find completely overwhelming, my body can respond with tears. Recently, I was subjected to a rude and humiliating experience that brought me to tears. This reaction surprised me because, as a 28-year-old with a lot of experience, I never expected a condescending remark to provoke such strong emotions.
The context was important. Other people were there, which made it even more humiliating, and the remark was totally unexpected. This huge discrepancy between my perception and the harsh treatment of others totally confused me. My body responded with tears to compensate for the shock.
I managed to escape to a quiet room to avoid breaking down in tears in front of the whole group. The tears stopped quickly, but it was definitely a signal that “this is it, I’ve definitely gone overboard.”
This experience also showed me that I still have issues to work through within myself. A few months ago, I probably would have reacted differently and suppressed my emotions. Perhaps I would have stayed in a toxic situation like my almost year-long on-off relationship with my ex-boyfriend, where I was just as good at apologizing as I was at suppressing them.
The tears make me realize that something is wrong and that action is needed. Luckily, I now listen to them, try to change the situation, and if that is not possible, walk away from them.
Crying to control emotions
Tears also help me regulate my emotions. I feel better after crying, free, relieved. Sure, my eyes look pretty bad, red and swollen, but I feel like tears help me organize. They wash away all the stuff I don’t need anymore, so I’m happy to accept a little smudged mascara.
Scientific studies have shown that crying actually reduces stress hormones. Tears contain the stress hormone cortisol, and crying helps release cortisol, which reduces stress. Additionally, crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps you feel more relaxed and restored.
Crying in public
When was the last time you cried in public?
To be honest, I still find this hard, but I’m learning. It’s awkward when other people can’t hold back their tears, but tears aren’t a bad thing. Tears are part of the shared human experience and often lead to deeper understanding and connection. Maybe this is what reassurance is needed. I don’t often cry in public, but I find it really liberating.
But last summer I went on a rollercoaster of emotions. First, I attended my grandmother’s funeral. Then right after that, I went to a really cool but exhausting 4-day festival where I received a painful rejection from someone I really liked. Then, I returned to Germany after 7 months traveling alone, with no job and no goals. The evening after I got back, I met up with some of my closest friends and was totally depressed.
Those tears, you guys, were the most healing thing that happened to me in that moment. My friends all had tears in their eyes as well, held me tight, and gave me the space and time I needed. From that moment on, things started to get better, and I felt a new found security that no matter how hard things get, no matter how deep I fall, I’m not alone.
The strength and meaning of tears
That’s why I don’t want anyone to be ashamed of their tears. There is a reason for them: when we are sad, overwhelmed, angry, or even very happy. It is unfortunate that tears are often perceived negatively. I believe it takes true strength to allow the tears and find the message they want to tell us.
Tears are like little messengers from our soul. Take a closer look. What are they trying to tell you? What are they drawing your attention to? And what does it mean if you haven’t cried in a long time? What is your relationship with tears? Would you like to explore this with me? Share your thoughts in the comments section. I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories.
About Maria Kleine
Maria Kleine is a Psychologist (MSc) with an unwavering curiosity about the wild world of personal growth, creativity, and relationships. She recently launched her blog, mariakleine.com, where she blends her expertise with a holistic approach to personal growth. What makes her blog unique is that it integrates psychological insights with practical advice on creativity and well-being. It is a space where she encourages self-reflection and personal transformation, offering her readers the opportunity to grow on this journey with her.
