Learning how to forgive someone may not be something you learned in school, but it’s an essential life skill that can help you overcome difficulties and get over difficult people. Forgiving others is a way of learning to forgive yourself and accept that people have flaws.
But how can you forgive when it feels impossible? How do you move forward or find a silver lining when all you feel is resentment and anger at what someone did to you?
What is forgiveness? Why is it important?
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did to you is okay anymore. It’s not about excusing someone’s actions or forgetting how they wronged you. Instead, forgiveness means letting go of the emotional bonds that anger and hatred have created for you.
Forgiveness releases bitterness and allows you to pour out all the negativity within yourself, allowing you to enjoy freedom and positivity in your life. It’s not about them, it’s about you. You’re not saying what happened is okay. You are prioritizing your mental health and peace of mind moving forward.
benefits of forgiveness
When you forgive, a great burden is released. Forgiveness can change your life. Here’s why:
Reduce stress: Negative thoughts caused by fixating on cheating Emotional triggers that increase cortisol levels This is because holding on to unpleasant emotions makes us feel stressed and threatened. When you let go of your emotional responses through the process of forgiveness, your brain feels more relaxed.
Increases mental clarity: Dwelling on the past speeds things up in your head, and letting go of grudges flattens the path and allows you to think more clearly.
Strengthen relationships: Forgiveness frees up your memory and thinking capacity, allowing you to invest more of yourself into your friendships and relationships. The people in your life no longer have to share you with the ghosts of your past that you have forgiven.
Increases your sense of well-being: When you hold a grudge, you bond with the person you resent and become trapped in a cycle of suffering. You can’t be happy as long as you’re trapped in bitter traps, but when you let go, you rediscover happiness.
Revitalize your physical health: Holding anger and resentment creates a stressful environment, so letting go can also improve your physical health. When you feel more relaxed and calm, less likely to suffer a stroke Or a heart attack.
Opposite of forgiveness – holding a grudge
If you have a rigid way of thinking, lose your growth mindsetit means you get stuck in negative circular thinking. Hate, negativity, and holding grudges help create this fixed mindset, which often happens because of an inability to let go and move on. of past unpleasant experiences You may even find it difficult to forgive yourself because the thought of “I should forgive” continues to occupy your mind.
The negative effects of holding a grudge
Holding a grudge has many negative effects because your mindset becomes fixed on painful events and memories. It’s like drinking poison, hoping that the person who wronged you will suffer, but only you will suffer. When you refuse to forgive:
Disappointed: If you don’t let go, bitterness and resentment will develop, sapping your energy and joy.
Suffering from increased anxiety and depression: A negative mental state can lead to anxiety and other mental health problems.
Experiencing relationship tension: Holding a grudge will make you grumpy and affect those around you.
Endure health decline: Chronic anger can cause headaches, high blood pressure, and frequent illnesses.
7 steps to forgive someone
When you realize that you have to let go and move on, that your negative feelings about being wronged are ruining your life, you realize that forgiveness is about you and that you need it. You may have to face the fact that there is. Learning to forgive someone is not about whether they “deserve” forgiveness, but about what you bring to the situation and what you leave with.
Here are some steps to help you forgive even if you don’t want to. These may need to be repeated several times for true compassion and acceptance to take effect.
1. Take your own wounds
Acknowledge what happened and boldly face the pain without seeking retribution. Be honest about who played what role in the hurtful situation. A diary is a great tool for clarifying things and unburdening yourself. It would also be helpful if a trusted friend could act as your confidant.
Remember, it’s not about assigning blame. Examine the wound you have inflicted and determine what you need to do to heal it.
2. Consider the causes of harmful resentment
So let’s take a look at how holding on to that pain is affecting your life. See how it affects those around you and destroys your joy. You constantly think about how you have been wronged or how they have mistreated you, digging deeper into the wound and preventing it from closing.
If you don’t think it hurts you, keep a diary and write down all the negative thoughts you have every day and record what’s causing them. Often it comes back to anger over your own hurt.
3. Decide to accept forgiveness.
Forgiving someone is your own choice. It’s not about waiting until you’re ready. Rather, it’s like taking a deep breath, stepping off the diving board, and jumping into the pool of life. Decide to let go of the hurt, forgive those who have caused you pain, and free yourself from the burden of negativity.
Every time you can’t get the event or painful experience out of your mind, remember that you chose to let go. It’s like poking your tongue into the gap when you lose a tooth. It’s a habit, and that pain has been a part of your life for a long time, like a rotten tooth. Remind yourself to stop poking and just let go.
4. Face your emotions
Forgiving may not immediately make you feel better. This is a process like peeling an onion, and you can feel some pretty intense emotions while removing the layers of trauma. In order to heal from illness, it is essential to have someone to talk to. If you have a deep wound, you will probably need to see a doctor. Consider seeing a mental health professional to help heal your emotional wounds.
5. Discover your empathy
The difficult part here is finding empathy for the other person. You may never have thought to see their humanity and pain, but it is part of your healing process. Put yourself in their shoes, feel their emotions, and think about how they would handle the situation. Don’t superimpose your beliefs about their feelings onto the problem. Look at them and forgive them now.
6. Release expectations of reconciliation.
Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to spend time with them. You may never get an apology, acknowledgment, or closure, and that’s okay. Instead, accept that liberation is an act of self-love to free yourself from the burden of resentment. Forgiveness is about yourself and is given by you because you deserve peace of mind.
7. Practice self-compassion
Be kind to yourself while you are going through this process. Forgiving yourself is more complicated than letting go of someone else’s role. Resentment tends to linger, so be careful to redirect it and avoid letting toxic feelings about yourself get attached to you.
Engaging in self-care is a good way to release emotional and physiological tension during this difficult time. Get more sleep, eat healthy food, and meditate with humming, brahmari pranayama, and deep breathing. This is a great way to stimulate the vagus nerve, Reset the parasympathetic nervous systemrelease stress and lower cortisol levels.
How do you forgive someone when it feels impossible?
Forgiveness can be difficult. It is important to understand that forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who hurt you. Please separate yourself from the act of hurting the person. But please set boundaries. If that person is unhealthy for you, it’s up to you to decide what role that person plays in your life.
Always be conscious and aware of your thoughts and feelings. Prevent your emotions from overwhelming you by processing them as they arise. Use your anger constructively, such as by exercising, volunteering, or pursuing a hobby. If the pain persists, do not seek professional help yet.
Start by forgiving yourself
Forgiveness is a powerful act of self-care that frees you from the weight of anger and resentment. Letting go allows you to regain peace of mind, take control of your emotional well-being, and focus on yourself and the relationships and moments that truly enrich your life.
Use forgiveness to create space for healing, joy, and growth. It’s probably the most challenging thing you’ll ever do, but the reward of a healthy and calm state of mind is worth it.
Photo by NADER AYMAN on Unsplash
This is a collaborative post in support of the Peace In Peace Out initiative.
