Many of us shudder when we hear our own voices — a common human reaction — but it’s possible to overcome the aversion to your own voice and confidently lead others in meditation.
This process has nothing to do with changing the way we speak: by strengthening our self-awareness and cultivating self-compassion, we can gain confidence not only in our authentic voice, but also in mindfulness practices that can transform self-critical habits.
Why do we hate the sound of our own voices?
Research suggests that part of the reason we hate the sound of our own voices is down to physiology: We don’t sound like other people. Because sound vibrates when it comes into contact with an object, the sound you hear inside your head is different from the sound others hear when your voice is projected outward. Plus, when we speak, part of the auditory cortex of our brain, the part that processes sound, shuts down. So the sound we hear of ourselves is incomplete.
Our perception of our own voice can also be clouded by our psychological makeup, our perception of other people’s reactions, and past experiences that lead to biases. From the teachings of mindfulness, we know that one person may judge an experience as unfavorable, while the same experience may be neutral or even pleasant for another person. What accounts for this difference? Our past and habitual reactions may lead to harsh self-criticism, perfectionism, or false expectations that don’t serve us.
Paying inappropriate attention to your inner critic can stunt your personal growth. Not only can you prevent yourself from reaching your full potential, but you also risk not being able to share the best version of yourself with others.
Mindfulness practice helps us quiet the voice of self-criticism and give rise to the voice of self-acceptance and self-compassion, which best reflect our true selves and, when shared, bring immeasurable benefit to others.
Listen to yourself with self-compassion
Learning to love your own voice begins with practicing self-compassion. Those who have practiced true self-compassion also make excellent teachers. When we learn to overcome our own shortcomings with grace, we can wholeheartedly help others do the same.
Practicing self-compassion begins with recognizing when the voice of self-criticism arises. With mindfulness, we can begin to distinguish between the voice of inner criticism and the voice that is most true and authentic. Often, the conditioned voice of self-criticism is driven by fear, pride, jealousy, or misguided anger.
Each of us has an inner critic. When we recognize that self-criticism is universal, a shared human experience, we quickly feel less like this voice is “us” and we realize that we don’t have to listen to or believe this voice.
Instead of giving energy to the voice of criticism or shame, you can intentionally bring the voice of self-compassion to the forefront. The moment you hear your inner critic telling you that you’re not good enough, that you don’t fit the mold, that other people don’t like you, ask yourself, “What would the voice of self-compassion say?”
If you’re not sure, try practicing (in your mind or out loud) what you would say if the people closest to you were wondering if your voice sounds good or bad, right or wrong.
Self-compassion researcher Chris Germer, PhD, an expert on anxiety disorders, was anxious about public speaking. It wasn’t until he began consistently practicing self-compassion that he was able to overcome imposter syndrome and the shame that comes with it. He discovered that by first embracing himself with compassion, he was able to embrace his experiences in the same way.
Allowing your own unique voice to guide your meditation
As a meditation guide, what you embody is ultimately what you teach. Just as you want your students to embrace their most authentic selves and courageously share their best selves with the world, so can you. Feeling free to share your unique voice, flaws and all, is part of being a teacher.
Simply reminding yourself to “practice what you say” helps you shift your attention from the sound of the voice to the message it conveys. As a guided meditation, you know you can practice choosing where to place your focus. Remind yourself again and again that it is your embodied courage and authentic presence that is most valuable, not the voice that shares it.
You can start by teaching meditation to friends and family, or even one-on-one or in small groups. But as you build your skills and confidence, remember that you can’t control how others perceive you. Don’t miss any opportunities to share mindfulness with strangers or even to compassionately self-assess your journal. It’s important to go at your own pace and take courageous steps, but it’s also about growth through risk taking.
Learn what it means to model mindfulness – not just as a mindfulness teacher, but for anyone interested in helping others feel supported and accepted.
Mindfulness exercises to help you find your voice
For an educational experience rooted in acceptance, self-compassion, and courage, the following mindfulness meditation can help you cultivate a sense of grounded presence despite anxiety.
The following conversation with a mindfulness and meditation expert may help you embrace vulnerability as part of the wisdom you bring to your teaching.
After building a foundation of mindfulness and self-compassion, the following exercise will help you ground yourself and gain authentic presence before leading a session.
Conclusion
We are each on an ongoing journey, with endless opportunities to deepen mindfulness and self-compassion along the way. As a meditation guide, it’s helpful to remember that you don’t have to be perfect, but you should strive to walk the same path that you encourage others to walk.
With kindness and compassion, we can reflect on our relationship with our voice and consider how we can take small steps to embrace it. Anything we learn along the way can be shared wholeheartedly to help others embrace their higher selves with compassion and confidence.
