Misfortune is a soul crying out for nourishment.

Misfortune is a soul crying out for nourishment.

“Happiness is not a ready-made thing. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

I was caught up in a web of unhappiness for several months a while back.

For those few months, every morning looked the same. I opened my eyes, let out a miserable sigh, and sat on the edge of my bed for a few minutes, mentally preparing myself for another day. It took every ounce of energy within me.

Although I have been unhappy for many months, I have come a long way to healing from severe anxiety. I experienced mild anxiety here and there, but severe anxiety was a distant memory and emotion.

After about a few months I became unhappy, my thoughts increased and became scattered, my jaw tightened, my breath became shallow and shorter, my hands were unsteady, and my body became heavy.

One morning I felt a little different. I still sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, this time feeling dizzy and nauseous. I knew it wouldn’t work. I called in sick to work because I felt like I really needed a day to do and do nothing. But on that day, a distant memory and a sense of deep anxiety were closer than ever.

Earlier in the day, I found myself all over the house. Downstairs, downstairs, and on the front patio, I tried to escape my anxiety by washing, doing laundry, cooking, and scrolling through social media.

I went from doing nothing to doing anything that would distract me from the anxiety of mental and physical pain.

Then, midway through the day, I cleaned up the ranks and put away the clean laundry. When I returned downstairs, I felt the urge to sit on one of the steps in the middle of the staircase. It was there. A severe anxiety attack creeps to the surface and eventually releases itself. My heart rate increased. My lips trembled. I shed a tear, then two, and then I lost count. I cried in pain.

I reached into my arms, raised my hands, and with a stutter, I asked for a “please,” asking the universe to save me from mental anguish.

After about 15 minutes, the anxiety dissipated, but I was left for another 30 minutes, staring at the stairs with a blank mind before spending the rest of the time with a blank mind.

For the next few days I felt more hopeless than unhappy. I dragged myself through the days. All I looked forward to were the evenings when I could lie in bed and not have to do anything. It was the highlight of my days as I felt safely tucked away in my bed where the silence and darkness were comforting.

A few days later, late in the afternoon, as I was unloading the dishwasher, my husband came into the kitchen and said, “Something just isn’t right in the universe.”

It’s a way of trying to understand why someone else is out of balance when you can’t put your finger on what they’re feeling and why.

I said, “Okay,” as I continued to unload the dishwasher.

He turned me around to face him, but I kept looking down and added, “You haven’t been okay for a while.”

I looked up at him and said, “Yeah, I’ve been unhappy for a while…I don’t know why.”

He immediately hugged me.

At first, I didn’t hug him, although I still felt hopeless. But after a few minutes I started feeling even more unhappy again. My eyes watered badly before I cried out and hugged my husband as tight as I could.

He said, “Okay, let it out.”

I gathered myself and leaned against the dishwasher.

My husband held my hand and asked, “Why are you unhappy?”

It was the first time in months that I not only felt it, but thought about it.

I said, “I’m just tired. I feel drained. I go to work, cook, clean, repeat. Is this it? Is this life? ”

He replied, “You don’t seem to be feeding your soul.”

I was quiet.

We looked at each other for a moment as he continued to hold my hand.

I said, “Thank you, honey.”

What he said was just what I needed to hear to realize I was in survival mode. I wasn’t prioritizing what causes me happiness, what helps me thrive, and feeds my soul. I was prioritizing surviving and thriving.

I enjoy finding and trying new dessert recipes. I enjoy browsing and reading at bookstores. I enjoy writing and sharing personal reflections, fictional stories, and uplifting advice. I enjoy spending time outdoors, especially surrounded by nature. I enjoy going on road trips to visit family, which is a 6 hour drive north of where I live. I enjoy hanging out with my husband and dog.

But for several months I did none of the above.

I was consumed by the daily routine of working, cooking, and cleaning. I was stuck in a cycle of just existing and doing the things that helped me survive.

My misfortune was simply a soul, a home of light, joy, love, and peace, crying out for nourishment.

___

A feeling of unhappiness is common to many of us.

Often when we talk about our unhappiness with others, it is difficult to pinpoint the cause, and typical reactions do not help us understand it. People say, “I’m glad you have a roof over your head and food on the table.” Or, “You should be happy that you’re better than anyone else in the world.”

The answers reflect that we are meeting our survival needs.

But just because we’re surviving doesn’t mean it should make us happy.

Survival mode feeds our bodies, but if we don’t feed our souls, we can feel lifeless.

Even though we need to do things that help us survive, like working full time for a paycheck or cooking meals that fuel our bodies, we feed our souls. Create time and space that helps you give and thrive.

Here are three simple practices that helped me do that.

1. Start with joy.

I reflected on what really sparked joy within me. I know what I’m doing, even if I have to dig into it bit by bit. I thought about what makes me smile and laugh when I’m most present, when I’m light and at ease. It’s something that checks all of those boxes that feeds my soul and ignites light, joy, love, and peace within me.

2. Please write it down.

I found an old journal that I received as a birthday present many years ago. On the first blank page, I wrote “Accomplishments” as the title instead of “To Do.” Because I wanted to feed my soul and write it into existence.

I write every day (i.e. newsletter or journal), practice self-care every day (i.e. stretch or apply a face mask), read twice a week, take nature walks twice a week, and once a week Have fun (i.e. try a new dessert recipe, sew, or make a DIY candle). I focused on what I knew I could make time and space for. I regularly check in with myself and add to or subtract from the list as I heal, learn, and grow to continue working with my soul’s calling.

3. Take action and be consistent.

I do my best to intentionally create time and space in my week for everything I have listed down. Every Sunday, I read my accomplishments and note what I was able to do, what I didn’t do, and what I couldn’t do. If for some reason I couldn’t do one or more of the things I listed, I’ll prioritize it for next week.

If there is a regular pattern of one or more things being missing, I subtract it from the list so I don’t beat myself up for not accomplishing it, focus on what I did, and try instead can continue to achieve. This check-in helps me create time and space to feed my soul and be consistent.

We have to do what helps us survive, but we don’t have to lose ourselves in survival mode. We can clean, cook, and do other daily tasks along with feeding our souls.

Surviving always finds a way to take precedence over thriving, often pushed to the backburner, so it’s important to intentionally create time and space to nourish our souls. When we feed our souls, we wake up with an uplifted spirit and energy, go through the day, and feel happy as a result.

About Jasmine Randhawa

Jasmine Randhawa is an author, creative, self-published children’s picture book author, and former personal injury paralegal. Armed with nearly a decade of research, writing, and teaching and experience with many people suffering from stress, anxiety, trauma, and loss, she now embraces the journey through pain and suffering and becomes more present. We share in embracing the journey to harvest life’s sweetness, joy and peace. For more information on her work, please visit https://linktr.ee/jasminekaurtoday.

Look for typos or inaccuracies. Contact us so we can fix it!

Facebook
Pinterest
LinkedIn
Twitter
Email

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe to our email newsletter today to receive updates on the latest news, tutorials and special offers!

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe to our email newsletter today to receive updates on the latest news, tutorials and special offers!